It seems that just when we get to a place where we think we can’t “fail,” where even as we know we are at the top of our game, the Universe throws some uglies at us that make us wonder what the hell it was that we did that would make Her want us to hurt like we do. Truth is…that feeling is what is required for our growth, and more than much else, growth requires some ugly stuff
I know a whole lot about the ugly stuff in life. The ugly stuff in life involves other people, and lots of times, those other people bring to us the seeds of growth through the pain of heart break, of failure, of feeling foolish, of the things that we typically would rather not have to deal with. I am not the only person on this planet who goes through the uglies. We all go through the uglies.
We all go through the uglies
When we are in the middle of our crap, it feels like we are the only person on the planet that is going through anything. Allow me to say right now that no, I am not talking to just one person – I am making it clear to us all, myself included, that in order for us each to grow, we have to hurt, to piss and moan, pitch a bitch, fail at things we know we are tops at.
It doesn’t matter to any of us when we are in the middle of the bullshit, in the middle of the pain, in the middle of everything that is causing our world to seem to just fall apart. When we are thinking that it is falling apart, while I know that we need to see it as the foundations we have built as being fortified or perhaps even destroyed so a new foundation can be built, it does not, for even one moment, make things feel or become easier. In fact, when it is that we find ourselves in the middle of those things that I call “the uglies,” really, the only things that we can focus on are “the uglies.”
Sure…of COURSE we are supposed to be paying attention to the things that matter the most, but when we are hurting in any manner, the only thing that we can focus on is the pain, when really, we ought to be focusing on priorities. What we do not understand is that sometimes focusing on the uglies IS a priority.
The Uglies as Priority
The ugliness in life is the thing that teaches us. I rarely like it. Learning sucks.
Learning sucks because most of the time, it hurts like a bitch. It hurts like a bitch because when we are learning anything we are usually not aware that this is what is going on, and in that energy of confusion, we tend to get a bit…human…and we start trippin’.
What we don’t think about when we are trippin’ is that the words which we are speaking (in my case shouting) contain the very keys to the thing that we are learning. Recently, as in today, and because I can’t lie and say that I don’t want my coaching practice to grow, I had to get a little bit raw on people. What folks do not understand about anyone outside of themselves is that what we are thinking is the truth is usually only the truth that we are projecting out and onto them. Where it is that we think we know what people are going to say or do is where we might be wrong. Just because we want to assume something about someone else, it does not make it the truth.
What is the truth is how we feel, and how we feel is subject to change. That we have the ability to change our minds and pull our heads out of our okoles is one thing, and by that I mean that there are times when we should be putting our own selves under a microscope, and then there are times when we need to really think about why we feel a certain way and how we got to that feeling and more, to look at the overall time in life we are having.
The overall time in life that we are having
The overall time in life that we are having is a very powerful thing for us all. I know that when I am subjected to someone else going outside of the boundaries that I set, not only for myself, but for my students and the people who I coach there is a fine line over which I may not cross, not just because of the ethical boundaries in such relationships, but more, that’s just how I roll.
And really, when the times in our lives that we are having seem to suck, it is because of something that we have to learn about the theme of the lesson, the energy that is presented to us and most of all, what it all symbolically means for any one of us. Right now, the theme in my life is bearing down and bearing through the bullshit. It is not easy, by any means, and it is not an awesome feeling to think that everything that I worked towards at this point seem to not mean that much to the people with whom I spend my time working with. Sometimes, to be very honest, I find it far easier to sit here, writing these things and not having to deal with the things that other people bring to me.
Sometimes, I just want to crawl into a hole and hide there, even though I know that it is sort of my duty as a worker of the Light to heed the call when prompted.
However, this doesn’t mean that I get to do that. In fact, it means the very opposite, because the very opposite of that is the lesson in figuring out the real reason why I want to hide in a hole sometimes. I am not the only person on this planet who feels like this from time to time, and in a lot of areas in my own life, I feel like a loser. In the areas that I know I am good in, I feel like I am the Queen of the Universe. The reason that the lessons are present at this time is simple – whatever it is that I am learning, that any one of us is learning, is meant for us to be able to transition out of one place in life, perhaps a place where we have been immobile for a very long time, to another, newer, more freedom giving place.
Yet, we cannot get to that freedom giving place unless we understand why it is that we feel bound in the first place.
Understanding why we feel bound in the first place
We feel bound because (ugh…I hate saying it because it applies to me, too) is because we are allowing ourselves to have that feeling, that energy of negativity brought to us by the things that we do not want to do, do not want to hear, do not want to know. Typically, and, again, I am totally included in this – we are prone to avoidance when it comes to the things that we know we need to see to but would rather just not.
I loathe the fact that I am not living in the tangible manner that my own soul tells me I am meant for, that I am working towards, and that I, alone, am building a future out of nothing, literally. All I have are my words, my ability to dance, and an insane amount of creative energy. While I know that these are the things that I have been given for the purpose of that foundation, I am terrified – what if things don’t turn out like I want them to? What if, all this time, I have been doing this work and was meant to be doing other kind of work? What if, all this time, I have been wrong and really, I am more of a joke of a coach and what if….
What I fail to see is the other side of the “what if.”
The other side of the “what if…”
The other side of the “what if” is what if it all works out, and all I was being was a silly, 3rd dimensional human? What if things are really going my way, and because the only thing that I can focus on at this time is the fact that there are obstacles in my way of the life that I am working toward?
Well, what if things work out, and what if you end up with something that is better than the thing that you thought you ought to have, and what if that one thing was something that you would have not even thought to even consider otherwise once it was that this new…end result…was so much better? This is the thing that none of us thinks about – the idea that things actually might be way better if we should choose to allow it to be that way. The problem with us human being type people is that we are so results oriented that we have not bothered to think about what could happen if we just choose to allow the Universe and not what other people tell us, not what our worrying minds will make us believe?
What we don’t realize is that the results that we get are the results we would have gotten if we were meant to have that result.
What we don’t think about is that while we are so stuck on the one result that we are focused upon, is that we are cutting ourselves off from what we could have, and what we could have might well be way better than what we think we deserve.
What we are not realizing is that more than anything else, our lives are meant to be lived, not scrutinized and never thought to be a waste of time.
Our growth requires that we hurt, because if we do not know how to hurt, we cannot learn. If we cannot learn, we cannot grow. If we do not grow, we remain in the manner that we are, with all of those things in our faces that we do not want in our lives, let alone in our awareness. We can choose to remain in the manner that is hurting, in pain, confused and not at all happy with our lives, or we can choose to do what we know to do, which is always something for ourselves with others in mind, where what it is that we see as our higher learning is meant for us to be the thing that, with our own help, will help us heal from the things which scare the shit out of us all the time.
When we are in a growth energy, our lives are painful. When we are going through what we are going through, we cannot see the end and we cannot hope for it to happen as fast as we want it to – this is because there is learning to be had, and in that learning is the sense that will be made that we are looking for while we are trying hard to not have to hurt so much. I am not going to be that person who will tell anyone to go through the pain without also telling those people that if they choose to think of the bullshit they are going through now, and think about it all in terms of it being something that is going to benefit us in the long run, then we can also see there, as well, that we never have to be the person who was in that much pain.
Because once it is that we have gone through things that hurt us, we can choose to never have to go through them again in quite the same manner that we’d gone through, over and over again, likely for a very long time.
I Love You All !
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