It’s nice to think, sometimes even to believe, that things as they are will remain as they are. Yet, things have to change and grow. At the moment, we are all experiencing quite a Grand Metamorphosis.
While I will not, because I cannot, tell all of the entire world what is transpiring at my house and in my life right now, I will say that what is happening is somehow needed, and what is happening somehow needs me, as a healer, to sit here and literally watch things unfold as they are doing so right now. I am little freaked out about a whole lot of things, but about this one thing I am not.
Okay….I am a little tiny bit freaked out, but it is nothing that sticks around for very long at all, not when I start to look at the bigger picture and see in that proverbial snapshot everything else that has evolved over the last few years and realize that, even though this is probably meant to suck, and meant for me to delve ever deeper into the world of my own healing techniques, and though it is literally work for me, I have that very real, very deep, “little kid waiting for Santa to show up” feeling.
I know that I am not the only one with this feeling, not the only one wearing this energy right now. It is like I have been trying on my mommy’s high heels for so long now that this time, when I put them on, they fit, and really, it is the most surreal thing ever, because for a long time, many people have been asking for, praying for, intending things like this one big giant thing to happen. It is here. We think we are not prepared for it, but that is the furthest thing from the truth.
The Actual Truth
The actual truth is that we are collectively reeling from the pain caused by all we have gone through in our singularly lived yet collectively felt past. That pain is all that we know and is one of the very most familiar things for each of us, even as it is temporary – we know the pain, and that is why we have hung on to it – it is familiar, like an old pair of very worn shoes.
What we are feeling right now and in largess is the pain that we seem unable to release from our lives and the reason it seems so big is because it is the one thing in all of the things that do not suck, that sucks. The real and personal reasons that it seems we cannot release it is anyone’s guess, but most of the time it is because we are emotionally attached to it in some way, and in that manner, what we are doing is allowing our energies to be drained from us, by people who do not deserve who we are in this time when we have evolved to this point in who we truly are.
They do not deserve to be in our lives because the simplest truth of all is that we have evolved past the neediness, past the nature that is defensive within us and that tells us that we somehow need to defend what is this other person’s truth about us that is not our own truth. Our emotional attachment to the pain may well be that we are hanging on to the other part of the pain, which is not pain, because in that which is not pain we find solace and we find that little tiny piece of happiness that we feel like we need for the parts of our lives and selves that need that explanation, that need to be able to understand why it was that we were put through that pain, and our … I don’t know … inner child somehow wants that salve that is the good memory mixed with the ugly one. It seems crazy, but it is true.
When we are kids we want so badly for people to accept us, and we carry this energy with us all of our lives. It shapes who we are still, if we allow it, and of course it shaped who we were and what our experiences were with people who, for the life of themselves, just could not stop bullying us as kids, for no other reason than that they could. As we grew into who we are in this part of our lives, that hurt remained. We tried pushing it into the deepest recesses of our memories and left them there, like a bunch of old toys in the attic (gotta love Aerosmith). We did not forget about them, though, because in those toys were some favorite things, and it is those favorite things that we want to believe balances out the ugly things, and the shameful things, and the painful things, and the things that really are not ours.
This bothers us.
Actually, this bothers our egotistical self, the self that is that child who is hurt, rather than annoyed only. This bothers us because we know the truth that is ours, and we, through our human ability to get ass hurt about anything at all, filter these things that we are told, the things that make us hurt and want to not be who we worked toward being, through the filter that is the wounded child inside. And really, it is just time to let the adult out and let the adult have their say so.
Lots of us won’t do this. Most folks will let things fester and allow who we are not be who speaks for us. The time, however, is now that we ought to be far more inclined to no longer allow those hurts from the past still remain where they are within us. When we hang onto those things, even as they are very difficult to release, we allow those things to live on, inside of us, making it so that whoever it was who’d said or done anything horrid to us still have a piece of us, and that really is not cool.
They don’t deserve a piece of us, because for a long time in each of our lives they held onto that piece, never letting it go, dangling it in front of us every time they saw us, every time they thought about us and with each time, at least for some of us, we felt it. When we felt it, we grew more tired from carrying that weight. Eventually, some of us realized that it was time to save ourselves and to stop trying to make people who are not our kind of people love us for who we are. It was when this happened and some of us accepted it and embraced it that we also knew that we were not, at that point, and are not and will not ever be the person who they wounded, ever again.
You are not that person anymore…
Let’s get real here, okay? You are not the same person who you were when your pain was initially experienced by you. Why are you hanging onto that person’s pain? Yes…I know…it is not easy to let it go, because it hurt so badly, and what you are dealing with in that hurt is no one’s business BUT yours, and I totally get it on that level. What I don’t get is why it is that you have yet to make the decision to turn that pain into usable stuff…medicine…to help heal your pain?
I know, I know…not everyone is me, and not everyone can, when they know they are hurting so badly, turn what they hurt or ail from into their own signature meds for evolving. When we think further about it, we can see a few things that help make sense of what I am saying for those who are shaking their heads and thinking that I am way more off of my rocker than even I know I am haha.
The Pharmaceutical companies turn illness into medicine, and for centuries Native Americans and Hawai’ian people have done this – we have faced our demons of pain, looked them in the eyes and told them that they are no longer of any good purpose, that we have learned all that we can from them, and that our choice to still deal with them is NOT for them to hang out more, but for them to know that really, we are done in terms of fearing them.
You were not that person any longer on the very day that you chose to survive.
You were not that person the moment that you accepted that what was going on in your life was no longer going to control your life and with a slow and untiring vengeance, you went straight to town on those monsters in the closet. You probably know that from time to time, those monsters will poke their heads out, but the more you look at them, the more they look like any other cartoon monster – pretend and not really that dangerous at all. So ensued your quest to no longer be hurt by them, your intention to not allow the past to control your present and ultimately, your future.
And really, it had to be done, and if it is not done yet, and whether you like it or not, it will be done, because that is how this all rolls, guys – that which is not purposeful in our lives and which have done what it was all meant to do is done, and now all that is left is the memory. It is in the memory that we live from time to time, and in that memory there are times and bits of history that were significant for us and taught us. Usually those were times that we were hurt in unimaginable ways, by people who meant a lot to us, and that is when our evolution began. That is when our place as light workers started, and it hurt so very badly to have to look at, to know was in our presence, and all any one of us wanted really to do is and was to no longer have to deal with it.
Deal with it, however, is exactly what lots and lots of us have done, and are still doing, because lots and lots of us KNOW, for real and for sure that dealing with the monsters has served us well, that facing our fears makes it so that, with practice, we will no longer fear what is in the darkness of the soul.
And really, right now is the best time to do this voluntarily, because, again, right now things are changing at a lightning pace, including human beings and our ways of being. What is unacceptable will no longer be, and what we cannot tolerate will also no longer be. Things and people are leaving our lives because new people have shown up and those new people are the ones for whom that void left by the past has been carved out for. In the lives of those same new people are happenings that they are not really wrapping their heads around, because what they are seeing in front of them is very surreal.
The surreal nature of all of these things is this way because for many, many years, there was something there that we did not want to look at. Now that it is not there anymore, we can only see the void, but really, it is not a void – it is rather and only space vacated by those things that hurt us and that has been made there within us and within our lives for the new stuff. The surreal part is that we cannot believe that finally, it is done, and the only thing left is the memory, and it is in that memory of whatever it is that haunted you where the medicine is at. From that pain came your wholeness in that area of life, and to reward you for those efforts through that pain, not only have you been healed from it, but just like it happened when we were kids, and the doctor gave us a lollipop after he gave us a shot – there are new people with whom to make new memories.
Evidence that this is all truth
There is evidence EVERYWHERE, and it is undeniable that we are right where we need to be, right this minute, because whatever is happening is supposed to happen. The pendulum of life has begun to swing, albeit slowly, in the opposite direction.
So, in my opinion, what this means is that, for all of us who have, for the bulk of our lives, suffered greatly through the things that we learned from others, through the suffering and the ugliness that were brought to us by them, the other side of that has begun.
Where there was the ache of loneliness, in place of that is a new relationship where loneliness does not exist, even in when not physically in one another’s awareness.
Where there was once the rage brought by the struggle of not having enough is this new energy, and one that is making us crazy with impatience in terms of being able to have the means by which to pay for our lives.
Where once there was only the memory of the pain, there is now the scar left by the wounding, and the strength brought by the healing that we each and all have struggled to have in our lives.
Think about it…and everything that brought you right here, up to this point, and about how much it all sucked, badly.
Welcome to the flip-side, good humans…
I Love You All !
If you live in the San Gabriel Valley Area of Los Angeles County and are bored on Thursday nights…go see my friends, The Pharmaceuticals play Friar Tuck’s in Pomona! Click on the links to learn more about The Pharmaceuticals, or, how to get to Friar’s !!