The Illusionist

Typically, it happens when we are not looking for it, the truth in the illusion we create as what is, and more importantly, what is not, “Home.”


If there is anything that I have enjoyed being, or rather, anyone, who I have enjoyed Being, it is me. There are a lot of lessons that we learn when we are children and we live “at home,” but it is quite a different thing when someone is forced to go back there, not to a place, but to a place in time. 

At certain places, and at certain times, in my memory, “Home” was a comfortable place, until I found out that “Home” is not an address. “Home” is where you are comfortable and is also where you know you belong. “Home,” you see, in the sense that is a building, can contain energies from the past, even if the building is not the same building. It didn’t knock me in the head until about an hour ago, when I finally got over it all, and just began to go back into “think” mode. And the only thing that I could think to do was to write.

So I started doing what I do when I know what I want to say, but I don’t start thinking about what I wanna write, I think about who it is that I do the most for, at least in terms of what it is that “do” in this great big giant Universe.

It’s kids…any kids, at all, even the rotten little turds who like making life hard for everyone else…the little bullying bastards of the world, because they need the mom with the om energy that freely, I realize, I give. I Love the Energy that is the collective of the world’s children. I am a big kid. (Super Soaker fight anyone? I am a Super Soaker ninja, guys…and a water sign…you don’t want to go there with me…haha)

Kids are cool. You know I am right. They are awesome. They say the most hilarious things, and they want to know everything we know, and how in the world adults, namely mothers who also exist on this plane with us, somehow do not realize the gift that they are? The word “Mom” means a whole lot to a whole lot of us. For some of us, it makes us feel comfortable, while others, completely NOT comfortable. Where it is that there can be a feeling within a mother that would even allow her the thought that somehow, her not being there emotionally for her children, and her, seeming to vacate what one would think of as her very Sacred, very, very Divine Privilege, to share air with people for whom she is their guide and their measuring stick to knowing what is, and what is not, also Sacred, also very, very Divine?

Mothers have a Divine purpose. It is our purpose, NOT only to bring into this world, the generations of people who, within those sets of kids, will be leaders and will be people who will change this world. It is up to us to help these little people figure this out about themselves, that they have greatness, and that they are special and that they are here for a Divinely timed and planned purpose, and to make sure that they see it all in their own heads. 

Sometimes, it doesn’t happen this way. Lots of people on this planet had what they needed materially, but in other ways, there was always something that was simply not there. It is the moms of the world, who will, or will not, help us learn that we are able to create our own reality. By this, I mean that, it is our job to get these little people to understand who they are, what they can do, that if they try anything at all, and they fail at it, they may end up learning something else about themselves, that possibly, through that failure, they discovered. Not all kids have this. 

However, my kids do have this. I became the mom I wanted them to have. I could be a pain in the ass, but my kids are good people, with lots of Love to offer the world, and they are like this in an unconditional manner. And yes, of course, I taught them this. This was, is, will always be my purpose in their lives. It will always be mine, to teach them to cut through the illusion that is what they perceive as comfort, and get to the middle of it all, eyes wide open, fear exposed, but their hearts never failing them. This, I taught them. This is what I gave to them – to always seek out their own truth, live up to their Divine Selves and know that they indeed have a Sacred Purpose in this lifetime. I had to teach them that there is no such thing as a big, scary, jealous, vengeful God, and that what their Grandmother calls “God,” their mother addresses as “Spirit,” and “The Mother Goddess.” I taught them that they are free to be who they are, no matter who tells them that they are wrong, and more, judging people before we know who they are for real is simply just not cool. 

I have shielded them from nothing, but mostly, the thing I never shielded them from was Love, or Truth. Really, this is what they need. This is what we all need. They need respect as much as they need to be taught discipline. They need it in overload, because that is what it takes to be able to handle the eventual breakdown of the illusion created by someone else’s sense of what is right, what is wrong, and what is real to them, versus what is real to us. What is real to me will not ever be real to anyone else. I have, if anything, instilled this into their brilliant minds. It was my duty, the moment the doctor said she could see their heads, to make them know that they are important, gifted, special, here for a purpose, and mine…just not to keep.

This was not only my duty to them, but was our simultaneous gift to each other, to teach my kids what is the truth of Love, and learn also this very same thing from them.  We taught each other to be “at home” with each other, and went out into each of our worlds and extended that to our own personal tribes. This is what is my purpose in their lives – to always just be there, and to also teach them to also, for their own tribes, just be there. 

We are their mothers. We are either the bearers of light, the guides through the shadow side, the angel of mercy through the halls of pain, and always, the bastion of Light that is Love, all the time and for real…

…or we remain as the grand illusionists we even fool our very selves with!

Think about it…

I Love You All !



About ReverendRoxie22

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7 responses to “The Illusionist

  • mihrank

    People view the world based on how they see themselves and what they want in their lives. It is not uncommon to work with clients who have a distorted sense of reality. They often have illusionists in their life.

    Illusionists are people who create the illusion of something that isn’t there. Many clients have difficulty coping because they are dealing with people who aren’t being direct, honest, or straight with them. Here are some examples:
    • A man who tells his girlfriend that he is leaving his wife…and he never does.
    • An adult son or daughter who says they will stop using drugs and alcohol…and they don’t.
    • A boss who continues to promise a raise or a promotion…and never gives one.
    • A child who says they will clean up their room…and they don’t.
    • A college student who says they are working hard at school…and yet flunks out of most of their courses.

    Some of these illusions are minor, but some keep people locked into a certain dream. It prevents them from getting on with their life. An illusionist says just enough to keep the person hanging on. They talk about the future, about wanting to share the same dreams, but they don’t do what is expected of them in the normal routine of life.

    • ReverendRoxie22

      Yes! There are a LOT of people who share this planet with us, who tell kids in particular, that if the kid wants to be loved, then the kid has to work for it, and this is not the truth. It is an error in thinking, on the part of the adult in any kid’s life, to try to teach them how to be the best version of themselves that they can be and only use the things that these kids need to improve on. This is harsh. Think about it. To continue to gain just some sort of encouragement through feeling like you have to prove you are good at anything, and then you wait for it, the encouraging words, and instead you are told how you can improve. I promise that in the life of any kid, this is a huge let down. It is our duty, as the adults in their lives, to live up to who we want them to be. No one thinks of it that way. We just demand excellence and no room for human error. What kind of garbage is that?

      Everyone I know likes encouragement, and it is very much the unenlightened adult in the life of a kid who will make the kid not only work for the reward at the end, but will also expect the kid to work for the encouragement. This makes for a very…disappointed kid.

      When we tell any kid, even the little turd bastard bully kid, that we will do anything for them, or on their behalf, and also when we set boundaries, not only through our words, but also through our actions, we had better have the integrity in us enough to at least live up to the good example that we might portray (but somehow don’t live up to for real) and that we will expect these kids to follow.

      Our word is all we really have. This is what we pass on to them, not only the words to make the promises with, but also the energy that is needed in order to do what we say we will do. We have no right to expect this out of them. We have every right and should have the pleasure of the expectation of knowing that some kids, ones like mine, on the whole, live with integrity. I might not like some of the things they don’t want to do, or don’t like, or whatever, but this is what I taught them, and this is all they know, and this is very, very good to witness, and more, very good to know they are like this.

      People do not realize the work involved in keeping promises. Neither do we realize that it takes a whole lot to live up to our own expectancy of integrity in others.
      We are what we have learned, and are what we teach others, and most of all, we are our own level of integrity in action.

      As always…mahalo for your comment! ROX

      • mihrank

        When someone is dealing with a certain event, such as divorce or separation, they will often come into my office and report that they are emotionally distraught because their partner has left them. Their spouse has taken all of their possessions, is no longer paying the bills, and yet because their spouse, the illusionist, has not said goodbye officially, this keeps the client in the state of unreality. In other words, they refuse to believe the reality that their partner has left. They choose to believe in the illusion that it’s not over instead of the reality. These defense mechanisms of denial and avoidance protect them, but it can also keep them from moving forward and being proactive. By the time the client comes to see me, they have already spent months or years believing that their partner is coming back.

        I am not a proponent of Freud, but he believed that 100% of our beliefs about others are projections. Psychologically, this means that we project our feelings and what we want to believe onto others. This helps to support the illusion.

        Have you known a person who saw things a certain way? It didn’t matter what you said or did, they perceive things through their eyes and didn’t see the reality of what was going on? You found yourself wondering why they continued to put up with a certain situation and not see the reality of what is.

        Maybe this has happened to you. You wanted to believe something so badly that you refused to look at the total picture in the hope that the person would change and create the dream that he or she alluded to.

        When clients have repeated problems with people and situations, I ask them to take themselves out of the situation and look at the other person’s behavior. Simply stated, I tell them to look at the reality of the situation—not the illusion. They are to do this for at least one month and then operate from the reality of things as opposed to the what the illusionist has said or done.

        When your perceptions are reality-based, you aren’t a pawn in the game of life.

      • ReverendRoxie22

        Oh my…indeed, my perceptions, until yesterday, were only what I wanted, only what I thought they ought to be, when in reality, I have known what I have always known, for a long time.

        From the perspective of a person who, for many years, hurt, very dearly and badly, over something that was not there, ever, it is difficult to believe that, to a few people in our lives, we are not good enough, and so ensues the madness of trying to make one’s own self somehow “acceptable,” when doing so only causes a deeper isolation, a more profound feeling of loss, and it is not really a loss because nothing was lost if nothing was had to begin with.

        The thing that not a whole lot of parents in particular teach their kids is the lesson that, in this life, there are no guarantees, and there is nothing at all saying to any one of us that, if we try harder to be what someone else is projecting to us that we willingly believe is the thing that we should do, in order so that someone else will even bother with us.

        So, in that energy, we try, and we try, and we think that we have failed, but really, we were simply learning to accept a truth that might always have been there and that we didn’t want to accept. I still do not like accepting that even as I am who I am still growing into becoming, there always will be that little Roxanne, the one who pines for affection she never had, neither in the ways nor the amounts she needed, from the mother-figures in her life.

        I had to become the mom to the kid in me who felt like something was not there, and that kid on the inside wept, and cried, and felt like there was something wrong with her…all the time, until yesterday. Yesterday, when the mother who I became to me, who is also the mother to my own three, and, as well, many, many others, and in that energy, I find, still, especially now, after everything else, is the solace, is the warmth and the glow that is a mother’s love.

        I will not lie and say that I was not loved. I will also not lie and tell anyone, ever again, that I need the love that I did not get, the way that I know I needed it, as a child, then as a girl, then as a teen, a young adult, a mother….when I became someone’s mother is when the tide turned, because at that point, I knew that the thing I thought was the void that was not made whole by someone else could be made whole, not by my oldest child, Jeremy, who is now 20, but by the very dear, bone-deep Love that I have had for this young man, my son, the one who knows that no matter what, Mom is on his side, and no matter what, Mom is always going to Love him, and cherish his dreams, and always, Mom is going to be there…

        This is what my own pain taught me….that truly, we are meant to be Love, not only for the people who we share our lives with, but also, and more importantly, our very selves.

        I am the mom that I did not have.

      • mihrank

        Hi Roxie;

        I am very touched and impressed with your theory, I am speechless. I agree with you 100% and much more respect. Your blogs brings positive energy and valuable experience in our daily life. BRAVO

  • ReverendRoxie22

    Thanks! And thank you for reading…Rox

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