Our choices make up the bulk of our tangible lives. Sometimes, it is not the nature of the decisions, neither the outcome of them, but rather and only the energy produced from having decided to do, or not to do, anything at all…
I am seeing a lot of different things and events taking place, and all of them are life changing. I must give props to a friend of mine who lives about 20 minutes from me further north and east, because no matter how long it has been since he had to make this choice, and it was not an easy choice for him to make, it was, none the less, a choice that will, I hope, make his life a little bit easier in terms of having one less thing to think about having to see to still.
And this is the reason that my thought about decisions and making them is something of major importance. I am, by all means, a very patient person. However, there are times when my level of patience is not what I like it to be and it is when I am not made to make a decision, but made to wait for someone else to make one and make one where my time or I am somehow involved. Yes, decision making in and of itself is or can be scary because, of course, we are responsible for each and every one of them. We alone are who has to bear the kuleana (Hawaiian for “responsibility,” sorta) and the weight of that kuleana. The reason that a lot of us are afraid of making decisions is because of the responsibility factor. We don’t want to do anything to upset anyone else, and this includes making decisions which will benefit us but perhaps not anyone else.
This is where the whole enlightenment thing confounds us all – we are taught that it is good to help others, told that we should be glad to help them and give them what we have to them if it is helpful. We want to help, but we do not want anyone to hurt, and making decisions, no matter what, has an energy that, for some folks, gives to one but takes from another. What I really want to know is how the hell is it that whatever decision we have to make that is not yet verbalized, namely the sort where we have not said a thing to anyone else about, will affect someone else? Really, what it is that we, a lot of us, shy from, is this one thing – we believe that if we please one person, that inevitably someone else will be displeased.
No matter what you have been told, you remain the reason for all the decisions
OK, so, yeah, sometimes the decisions we have to make will be on behalf of other people, but for the most part, every tiny thing that we decide is all about ourselves. If a person is not comfortable making a decision, that discomfort will pound them in the head, again and again, and a lot of the times the discomfort is not because of the choices we are making, but more because of the options we have in regards to those choices. In going back to the thing about my friend, this person had a choice to make, a long time ago, and while it is that I am sure the choice they made was the best one for everyone involved, I am also sure that it was not the choice that was also the warmest, neither the fuzziest. Yet, it remained for months that this was what they had to do, not only for the other person, so that the other person might have a chance to grow and perhaps become who he, my friend, has always seen this person who he had to hurt as always having been and as always having had the potential to be.
Difficult Decisions are the ones which make us grow
Fear plays a huge role in all of these decision making times in our lives. We are so scared to hurt other people with the things that we decide we are going to do or not going to do, that much of the time we forget that we all have a habit of trying not to hurt someone else while at the same time we end up sacrificing us in favor of saving someone else’s ego. I will repeat, again, that it is the ego within us that allows us to feel our pain, our shame, our not-so-niceness, and is also that part of us that tells us that if we disappoint people with our decisions that somehow we are also responsible for their feeling better about what we had to decide.
Ummm, no. Emphatically so, no. No, no, no, no,no.
No matter what you have been told, no matter what it was that you were raised to believe, no matter WHAT – not one of us is responsible for how anyone else feels about anything at all. OK, so there are those times when some…thoughtless moron…will speak without the full engagement of their brains and what comes crawling out of their mouths in terms of meaningfulness is nothing short of ignorant at best, and something undefinable at worst.
However, and after the initial moment of boobdom on their part, what you choose to keep as given to you by someone else and what it is that you choose to not pay any attention to is not anyone’s kuleana to deal with but your own. By this I mean that you can continue to be ass hurt about what you heard a while back and you can remain to allow it to eat your brain space up with all of that anger and all of that hurt and all of that ridiculousness of things that are only the opinion of someone else’s making, or, you can see it as an opportunity to practice not being ass hurt. Yes, it is as simple as that. It is not so simple to get to that place within where you can just do it just like that – forget about what was said because it is not the truth, but once it is mastered, there is no turning back, at all, and you really will not want to anyway.
Decision making makes us stronger
When we are able to make decisions about things, even little tiny things, we are made stronger by our own (yup I’m gonna say it) bravery. Think back to when you were a kid and your little buddies were challenging you to climb a tree, and not just any tree – but an enormous tree and they told you that you have to climb to the top and then climb back down. In that split second there are a lot of things happening in your head. In that split second you are thinking that if you don’t climb the tree that your pals will call you a chicken. In that split second you are thinking about how mad your mom will be if you fall out of that tree and she has to take you to the ER to repair your broken self. In that split second it seems like everything you say, think, do, whatevahs (yes, I write and speak Hawaiian Pigin…deal with it) means everything in the world, means the past, present and future, means everything.
And in that split second, you are absolutely right about all of it. Yet, you still have the decision – to climb or not to climb.
I chose to climb.
To this day there is no chain-link fence, no knotty tree, basically not too many things that I cannot climb, even barefoot. To this day, while I still shudder at times from the things that I have to make decisions on, I also still am not afraid to make decisions. I won’t say that there have not been times when I was not scared, and I will not say that there have not been times when the choices that I have made did some damage to me, but I will say that not once have I ever regretted the decisions that I have made to this point and I will say this much – I am a lot better at it now than I was when I chose to climb that tree.
Decision making allows us to practice having clarity
I think that the reason we are such a mess collectively is directly tied to our ability (or rather, inability) to decide. For such a long time we have been given, again and again, way too many things to choose from. This is where the imbalance comes from, and yes, as with everything else, it, too, comes from childhood. I say this because I have watched it, again and again, the thing that happens when we are given too much to absorb, too much to look at, to think about, to know. There is, in my opinion, never too much of a good thing. However, the idea that having more of anything…more choices, more stuff, more people…more more more….is not always going to be that same way.
We have been taught that whoever has the most of anything is the one who should be revered. My thinking is that the people who have way too much of anything that they can live without for longer than a month have a whole lot to give to other people. My thinking is that having more stuff to call your own is not what makes anyone happy at all. It is not the tangible things in life that are the most important. The most important things in life cannot be put in a wallet, or into a safety deposit box, is not some sort of monetary investment of any kind. The most important thing in life is that we, as a society, decide sooner than later that all of that which we see with our eyes and know with our brains and feel with our hands were brought by nothing more than our thoughts and our ability to produce things from those very thoughts.
Decisions make us have to clear our minds and think about things. They make us go through the list in our heads about what is important to us and what is not that important to us. Deciding makes us think about why it is that we do or do not want something or a particular situation happening in our lives, and decisions also give us a reason to think about how we will arrive upon our manifestations, no matter when they happen for us.
When we are thinking about something, and we can focus our thoughts and our attention to that one thing, and we can train ourselves to be able to do these things is when the fun starts. The ONLY way that this happens is when we have been brave enough to decide.
Lately I have been a bit on the brave side, on the side that is trust in my own thoughts and inclinations, and lately I have been right on the money when I have decided to do one thing or another. Lately, it seems, there are a lot of us doing this exact same thing. We have all grown weary of the weaknesses within ourselves. We have all grown tired of feeling like we have to explain away anything at all, and mostly that explaining away things has been about what it is that we are worthy of. I knew right away, regarding a few of the last things that I decided would be the right things in my life for me and for no one else, even as those decisions will markedly be a very big deal at some point in the future.
Every decision that any one of us makes is a very big deal. When we decide on anything at all it is not in our thoughts at the moment, at least for a lot of us, what our decisions will make happen for us at some time in the future. If we monitor our thoughts too much, we wreck the magical part of the fruition which comes about from our making any decisions at all. If we do not monitor our thoughts enough we end up making bad decisions that end up affecting that which we see in our minds and that we also want in our lives.
Every little thought you have is part of the process, is part of the grander scheme of things, not only that we can see in the here and in the Now, which, by the way, IS the most important time in our lives, right this moment, but also, that which we conjure only in our thoughts and can see only with our third eye. Whatever it is that we want in our lives requires a bit of thought and one very important thing…
…that one very important thing is called a decision.
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