These Pain Filled Days and Nights

None of us likes to be in pain, physical or otherwise, and at this time in our collective lives it seems as though that the pain is all we can claim to owning. I have a few thoughts about the energy being created by it, and what we can do to get through it all.

I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it all, but it was about this time about two weeks ago that it started to be very obvious to me that I am NOT the only one who feels like I do right now. Right now I am frustrated,  bewildered, and basically just NOT understanding why it is that a whole bunch of us seem to have a really great day that falls in between some really, really, really harsh ones.

Many of us have lost loved ones, have lost our homes, our jobs, our everything, including our hope. I am here to tell you all that now is so not the time to give into the pain, to give up on what it is that you and your soul KNOWS is waiting for you. This is the part that we all hate, the part that we know we have to sit through, have to endure. Some of us have fallen chronically ill, while others of us have been met, as I have, with some seriously hard times.  There are more of us who are middle-aged who were forced to go home to our parents’ homes. When this first happened to me, I thought it was the worst thing in the world. Having to accept that your big fat house, and your big fat car, and your big fat life are no longer yours, and, at the same time, have to also face being back at the place where we know we have outgrown, where we know a whole lot of childhood issues still live, and where, for the life of a whole lot of us, we have no choice but to be, at least for the time being.

The time being

I will write this next thing as carefully as I can, so as not to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings. And believe it when I say it – just because right now sucks okole, it is not permanent. I was not too fond of writing that last thing, and more than that, I am really not very fond of looking at it, and they are my own words.

The time being is a collectively very ugly time. I will not rewrite about losses. It hurts too much to know that a mere 6 years ago there was not a lot that I could not afford, could not have, and one of those things that I now cannot have is that security which, at that time, afforded me all those great things that money buys. Money is  an issue, not just for me, but for many people right now. It seems as though there is no end in sight, but if we broaden what our thoughts are, and looked specifically at what it is that is hurting us, perhaps in that hurting we would be able to see something else.

Perhaps if we could stop with the moment, the moment that is right now, and looked, for a little while, at where we have been these last 6 years, and then at the last six months, we would be able to know one thing for sure – we got this far, and further we will surely get. It will take a lot of heart and soul, and a whole lot of ‘guavas,’ because we are not going to be out of this until we are, all at one time, thinking the same way in an energetic sense. By this I mean that we are being shown that we have got to try to look at things from another perspective.

From another perspective

I write about this all the time, the need that we have for security, no matter what it may be in regards to.  I write about our pain and about our human beingness but the one thing that I have been asked to write about that, until this moment, I have not expanded on, it is how it is that we can at least learn to think differently.

I make it sound easy, because before I chose to make a life out of this weirdness, I was and am more now than ever, very adept at bringing to light new thoughts about old things. In my case, I had to think new thoughts about myself, my worth, and how much I mean, at least, to me. This is not to say or even assume that anyone reading this feels like the lowliest person on earth. It is to say, though, that too many of us are stuck right now because we are stuck ON now. Think about that for a bit and let it sink in. Sure, there are many of us who have become ill – seriously ill – within these last years and more than ever these last 6 months. While I am talking to those people, some of them my very dear friends, I am writing more to the populace of souls who, like me, are more inclined to whine about what is going on, more inclined to only see what is right now.

Yeah yeah..I know…”all we have is now,” and this is the truth. Thing is, we are not required to think ONLY negative thoughts about right this moment. We have a brain, we each do. If you are buying into the idea that we can only use 10% of it then you should get in touch with me so we can fix that, because that is not the truth of us. If we were given these big giant brains and have the capacity to use the other 90% of it, and all we are doing is thinking about right now and how crappy it is for any of us, we are not doing ourselves any favors.

By this I mean that there is no law that we are breaking if we choose to use more than only that 10%. And yes…just use it, all of it. Visualize it and feel yourself utilizing more than just the 10% that we have been TOLD we use. This is not me chewing your okole – this is me saying ‘hey man, why are we still listening to what is readily accepted because some scientist who is not me, who is not one of my geeky pals, who is very very old? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE are we doing this still?”

That part does not really matter as much as this next part. Are you ready for this? Are you ready to know how we begin to get out of right now, like, right now?

It is not that easy, but oh SO worth it

Like all else, it will take practice for anyone to see results. And the results are not going to be the sort that you can see right away, not at all. In fact, the reason for your hammajangs right now IS because you and your soul knew a long time ago that it would be faced with its own evolution, with its own time to shine, but in order for anything at all to shine, it first must be refined by fire. First it must be worn down, the rubble from the past cleared away and yes, the pain, dearly felt. 

The way to get through the rubble is to actually live, even momentarily, in the pain. I have been working with a few men, teaching them not how to attract women, but how to attract the right ones. You see, I have been told that it is painful, literally, for a man to be rejected by any woman at all. When I asked the question “So…dude..why do you want just any woman, at all?” and the two I asked that question of were quiet about it, you can bet that just the way that the sentence was created, they had something to think about.

In using that example, we see that for a long time now, men have been thought of as being the creators of all the ills of women. I must beg to differ – if more of us women were willing to see to it that these men are NOT the ones who are responsible for how WE feel, half the battle will be won. Problem is, there are generations before ours who stick to the idea that women are the weaker gender, and these people believe this. Men, however, the most of them, when I ask that question, are likened to pause, sometimes for longer than I expect them to, because it is a question which is meant to evoke a thought about why it is that any man at all feels like he somehow needs to attract women…plural…rather than thinking of meeting those women with the idea in each of these men’s heads being that they are meeting women for the purpose of knowing how to speak to us.

When they finally can come up with the answer they are comfortable with, and together we tear those words they told me apart and compare them to the answer they give to both me and themselves, it is NOT the look on their face that tells me they have had an OMG moment, but rather is the relaxed energy coming from the thought produced that tells them that they are not required to be with EVERY woman they encounter, but that they are required to be true to who they are, the men, that is, and in that self truth they will find out, through their own means, not about women, but more about why it was so painful for them all of the other times they were with just any woman who would give them even the slightest bit of “good” attention.

An EXTREMELY scrutinizing Piscean Woman

Perhaps it is because I AM one of THOSE Pisces women, the sort who lives in her own little aquarium of a world. I have made an art out of discerning not why I am in pain, but more how I will get OUT of that pain via the most creatively thoughtful means I can come up with. All of this mental stuff that I do all day fuels me toward the tearing apart of human nature as it pertains to how we feel on a daily basis, how it is that we get along with one another and more than anything else, how it is that we think our way to our own demise.

Yes. I said it. Deal with it. We are who is in charge of what we will and will not allow into our thoughts and into our lives. Since it is that we are who is in charge of our ‘stuff,’ we are also in charge of what stuff we will choose to have in our lives. Now, if we look at the mess as a big messy thing, it is going to be a big messy thing and will only be a big messy thing, because right now, that is what it is – big, messy…thing…ugh.

BUT, if we can pick and choose what of those big ugly messy things are bothering us the most at the moment, and chose to take those things apart first, scrutinize why it is that we feel particularly the way that we feel about it and ask ourselves questions that sound like grade school grammar lessons (who, what, when, where, why) and opened our own knowing up to the answers (because they will not come easily and you won’t want to take them easily – they are painful is why and are also the reason that you are feeling this pain of right now as dearly as we all are) and were able, through practice of actively accepting our own truths as they apply to anyone else’s truths, and become scrutinizing like a Pisces, like a Scorpio and like an MIT student during finals week, we would see, whether we like what we see or not, the very answers we seek and most of us need to know. 

Picking apart ourselves is not fun. We have to look at who we are for real in relation to all of the things that we have right in front of us at this moment and really, where it is that we are very dearly meant to learn a lesson. Our spiritual lessons are difficult. They make us see who we really are, and they make us look at every option in front of us. Sometimes those options are not that great. Right now, for a whole lot of us, the options presented to us are “painful” and “REALLY painful,” and we are not the sort to like pain. Yet, it is the pain that is screaming at us all, making us pay attention to it, making us reach out, not only to Spirit, but more importantly, to one another, in an attempt to make sense of it all.

Sometimes there is just no sense to be made of it. Sometimes the pain is there not because of a loss but because of what we are not willing to let go of egotistically.  Please…don’t get me wrong when I write things likes the word “egotistically,” because there is a portion of the populace who only regards that word to mean only one thing, and in reality, the ego is more than only the shadow that arrogance eventually infects.  Our ego is the reason that we will feel our pain, and is also the thing that tells us that we should hang onto it when it is no longer needed (yes, needed). It is that part of us that gets defensive, that wants to be right when we are right and more so when we are wrong. Our egos are not the bad part of us, but instead is the thermometer by which we gauge the temperature of our lives at any given moment.

This is not me telling anyone to not be egotistical, but rather to see that word in a different light and a light that tells us that it is NOT who we are. We…me…you…the dude over there on the right who is picking his nose again…all of us have been convinced that somehow, we are our egos. I won’t sit here and tell anyone to not feel their pain, but I will sit here and tell you all that if it is important enough for you to get upset about, is important enough to have an eventual weighted feeling, enough that it seems you will be crushed under its weight, this is because you are believing what you have been told rather than learning to believe you are who makes the call.

This, too, shall pass

At this moment in this writing, I am going to tell you all that there are worse things in life than pain. I have several friends who I love, a whole lot, who became parents but are parents who mourn a loss that no parent I know wants to suffer. These people are some of the strongest I know, NOT only because they know what a huge loss they have suffered, that they still suffer because of, but because they know that their loved ones would want them to be all they are. Our loved ones who have gone home to Spirit, they never truly leave us. They stay around in another form, one which we cannot physically see, or feel, at least the most of us, and they are there, in Spirit form, reminding us daily that we can get through the toughest things in life, because we managed to get through what we went through when we lost them.

I cannot sit here and tell anyone that I know what they have gone through or that I know their struggle, because I don’t. They would not want me or anyone, not even a person they don’t much want to be around, to have to endure that much pain or loss. Yet, these are the very people for whom a whole lot of us have pity when in reality, they simply and only want people to understand, namely other parents, that no one who has not been through what they have been through will ever understand.

These are people who have the practice of tearing down in order to rebuild down to a “T”. The next time you are in the company of your own friend who has suffered such a loss, rather than pity them, admire them, because they took the time to go through the pain so that one day, they would understand, not why they lost someone so important to them, but how they got through it. It is not a simple task. It is not easy to let go. I have no idea what their daily lives are like, but I know that they are the very epitome of going through the pain of right this moment in time.

Pain is the teacher of the most willing students

You see, pain is not meant to be forever. It is meant to do lots of things, and at the moment we have to think of our lives as being a giant housecleaning. No, I am not suggesting that losses of the familial sort are as trivial as that. What I am suggesting is that the pain which is brought to us in times such as these is meant to show us where it is that we need to still concentrate on. In my case it is, as I have said many times in these last six months, financial security that is created by my own efforts.  While it sucks and hurts like hell sometimes to see the things that I have missed out on, and more than that, what my three kids have missed out on, and it makes me want to cry because I try so hard to get there, I know that obviously, Spirit knows that I have some work to do still.

In those efforts I am shown, through other people and through the discernment which is in place via the ego and the pain caused by it all, what exactly it is that I need to work on and improve, and not for anyone else but me.

The next time you want to cry, do it, but do so with the scrutiny that will cause you to think about how much you would rather laugh in the face of adversity than cry at the mercy of things that you need to learn in order to NOT cry for those things anymore.

When the day arrives and you are ready, you won’t see it or realize it.

Everyone else, though, will…




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About ReverendRoxie22

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2 responses to “These Pain Filled Days and Nights

  • Greg Pierce


    “This too shall pass.” How many times have we all heard this and thought to ourselves–Fine, but could we please hurry it up?” I know that I sure have. Ironically you have hit directly on the timing that I too have. Six years and the past six months of these years. Claude and I would have celebrated our sixth year together on the 25th of December. But six months ago he transcended. These past six months have brought about so much pain and serious loss. I have been through the ringer in a sense. Bending so far beyond the limits that I had ever thought that I could endure. Not that I was refusing to break, but more that I couldn’t break. Wondering really just how much more of this “torture” could I stand. The truth is I HAD to go through this. I now can see it as divine process. I know now more than ever before my path. Although it has not been completely revealed to me as of yet. But more that I am stronger and weaker than I had ever believed I could be.

    To be continued!

    I love you too my sister!

    Ralph Gregery Pierce

    • ReverendRoxie22

      My darling brother to the north of me, with whom I share so very very much…I must offer you this much more…

      I really do not think that you know just how special you truly are. I really cannot tell you enough of the fact that you are so truly, dearly, very, very loved, and that no matter the aches and the pains from the losses that I personally know you have experienced, that you will rise from the ashes of the moment, brand new…

      Shiny and brand new…you are a Pisces – we LOVE shiny things…

      Aloha nui loa to you, my dear brother…

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