No one likes being rejected, and all of us has been rejected at least a dozen times in our lives. It is not fun, but there are a lot of different reasons that it happens, and some of those reasons are ones that no one new on the Path to Enlightenment will believe they did not think about
It sucks on a lots of levels, but the one level that no one thinks about it affecting the very most is not the emotional level, but the spiritual level. If we are to believe anything at all about the nature of Unconditional Love, it is that this very sort of Love does not differentiate between what is Love and what is not Love. There is no such thing as there being a level at which it stops. It is the beginning, the in-between and the end of all that we know, and see, and do, and desire…whether you believe me or not – Unconditional Love is at the very core of everything. It was Unconditional Love which Spirit utilized in creating us.
There are a lot of people, though, who like placing conditions on Love, and the biggest thing that bothers any of us about it is that when conditions are placed on it, it is not Love anymore, but that which is other than Love. I mean, technically, it is still Love, because that is what everything and everyone if comprised of – Love. It is not hard to see, either, with one’s own two physical eyes, the nature of the Love within a person and if whether or not they have been in the weighed-down energy of Love that is conditional, and more, if they have been able to live in the light of Unconditional Love.
Unconditional vs. Conditional
One does not have to be a genius to see the difference between the energy of these two words. The unconditional nature of anything at all means that there are no restrictions, nothing holding anything back and no reasons as to why anyone would restrict, reject or hold back. The other word, “conditional,” means that there contained in the energy that is Love, at least where this article is concerned, is that same Love, technically, but at the same time, comes with conditions.
As ridiculous as it might seem to anyone, the nature of Love is always going to be the truth of it. When the Love is real, there is no judgment to be made as to who it is that we are showing that Love to, and no, it does not mean that if someone else has made us angry that in order for us to Love them the way we did in the past before the infraction they committed was committed. Even when we are angry with them, we still Love them. At this time I am very angry with a life-long friend of mine. He knows what he did. I am just having a very hard time, not with not Loving this person, but because I know that once I let go of the boundaries I have set for myself so that people like this person do not take advantage of my good nature and hurt me, that this person may end up going the way of his habit of believing that everyone will just get over it and nothing will be remembered.
Yes, I need to get over it, but it is very difficult in that I am not yet over the ickiness, not yet over the idea that someone who has known me forever would not take seriously the idea that I do not want to be spoken to as though I am a piece of meat. I am a human being. Telling people what he told them, while not unforgivable, is the thing that I cannot get over, and the fun part about that is this is not the first time he said something like this. It would be probably be the 150th time. Still, he knew what not to do, and he did it anyway. Just like he has for years, and like I have, for years, I reminded him of this a while ago. He did it anyway. I am very angry with this person, not only for the reason I just gave you, but for the sheer ignorance to what are his life’s kuleana.
We have to take responsibility for the way that we feel about ourselves, because it spills out on to those who we love the most, and when it spills out, like water it does not know where to stop. When his words spilled out, they did not stop, and neither did my anger. When he decided that maybe I would be cool with it, then found out when I got up in his face about it later on, his level of hubris would not allow him to believe it. Yesterday, I am sure he finally understood what I meant by my telling him that he needed to let me get over it still and that until he did, things would stay as they are. Of course, he did not listen…until yesterday, that is.
I will never hate this person. It was the way that he greeted me that made my blood boil “Sol’e” (so-ley…it is polynesian). It was not that it was the beautiful way that his family has always greeted me with that phrase, but that I know that he thought that all had been forgotten.
We can only take so much
I am getting somewhere with this, really. The reason that I told you about that very long hour that I was in the same room with this person is because it illustrates for anyone reading this that no where in that story did any one of you read that I hate this person. I know I still have work to do in the area of forgiving so as to learn and not forget, I know, too, that he is like my family and that alone is cause for me to still Love this person unconditionally. It is not that he is also Polynesian, but that he and I have always been very good to one another. He knew his boundaries with me and he overstepped them. While this is not something that I am very stringent about, for the most part, I tend to hold those who know a thing or two, not only about me, but about Island women in general, to a higher standard. And yes, it is because island men KNOW better than to behave as though women, at all, but most pressingly so, island women, are not to be seen as meat.
He saw me as meat.
While it is not the first time, and neither is he the first man to do so, it is with a vengeance that I hang on to whatever it is that I hang on to that reminds me of the fact that respect is very important, and that it is earned, and if this person has earned mine, why have I not earned his, unconditionally, and as a human being who happens to be a woman?
Because he is only now learning this lesson, through me, and while it pains me to do it this way, it must be done. I in no way enjoy rejecting my friend who is like a brother to me, so that I do not have to go through this with him again, and neither he, with me, this is just the way that things have to be right now. I say “have to be” because I still have to get over the idea that this person would speak to me, saying the things that he said, in front of people we both know and more, in front of people who only I know. Respect is a big huge thing with me – you either have loads of it and deserve loads of it, or you don’t and if you don’t then I am either in your life to teach you how to learn some or…in your life to show you what it is that you will not ever have as your own, no matter what that might look like in anyone’s head.
My point with this is that, as I mentioned already, this person who I had an encounter with yesterday now knows the very heavy and full weight of what it is like to be on the other side of my “no.” He knows what it means to know a woman who is of the same ethnic background, sorta, and who is not going to deal with the likes of him until he can grow up and be a man and talk to people who he knows loves him as though, no matter who it is he is addressing, he has the utmost respect for them.
No one likes being rejected by anyone
I am very well aware of what it feels like to be rejected on every level that a person can know of. I am very well aware of the hurt that we place onto other people when we decide that we are not going to deal with whatever it is that we are going through with them. Rejection stings like a bitch. It highlights what and who we are not, tells us that we are not good enough, makes us feel like we are the sore thumb that sticks out.
But really, if we think about it from a Spiritual perspective, there are a whole lot of different things that either rejecting or being rejected can mean. It is not always that we are, ourselves, being rejected, and also, it is not that we are really rejecting anything. We are stating our preferences, and when there is no preferences involved and it seems that we are who is constantly being told to go away, we can see it as mere humans making a judgment call on us.
Or, we can see it as a means for which through others Spirit is trying to tell us something.
Spirit is trying to tell us something
When the people who we love and respect the most come to the point where they have nothing left to say to us, there usually is a long history behind that energy where something done or said by someone who was there then and is here now. Wherever we roam in this lifetime, we leave our footprint, we leave a memory of ourselves there with the people and sometimes it is that memory and the energy of that memory that makes us think one way or another.
If we believe that we are loved and that someone is going to put up with our crap, and then one day we are slapped with the hot spatula of a truth that we, ourselves, created, with this other “someone”, and we believe, too, that they love us so, so, so much that no matter what we do to them, they will continue to stay and take our crap and we wrap our heads around that thought and do so without the thought that we hurt and abused them, we set ourselves up for rejection. This is not the love that I am talking about, because clearly being a petulant jack off to people and acting like they owe us their love because we have a piece of paper that ties us together forever and ever amen is the most ridiculous thing in the world. In fact, this is not love at all – it is ownership and humans cannot own other humans anymore.
…and this goes for ANY sort of relationship… paperwork or not…no one owns anyone else.
If we have to fight with the ones who we say that we love, and they keep on telling us that they know that we are not as betrothed with them anymore, and not for any other reason than that it just is not working out, and they insist that it is, this is not love, it is self-preservation and, as well, desperation and is also hanging on so that you, yourself, don’t feel like a loser.
If you can pinpoint where exactly it is that you are feeling like you are being rejected and you can also see where and why it is that it seems like this is happening, it is not seeming – it really is happening, and it is NOT brought to you by any person but through a person. It means that in that rejection of you by them are needed elements of who you are evolving to be and in those elements are not only the keys to your growth but are the answers to the questions that you do not realize you have been asking, through your actions and through your behaviors that a lot of your loved ones might call anything but “cool.” It means that you really need to look at yourself and ask you why it is that anyone would want you not with them. It means that through someone else, you have met the reasons, whether you like them or not, as to why it is that you hurt so badly.
Spirit teaches us what we need to learn through the things that we do not like. We do not like rejection at all. It means that someone else was right about us. I have the issues I have because my entire life has been lived with the thought in my head that was placed there by someone else that I can do really good things, but …
NOW, had someone who was meant to tell me other things that were not so judgmental chosen to tell me such things, while I will not sit here and tell anyone that I would have had it that way, I will say that it would have likely made it so that I would have gotten to where I am intending to go in my life a little faster and without so much…ugh ! This is why I am so very dearly up the okoles of people who are in charge of or who have children, telling them all to be mindful of what they say and recall the things they learned about being in pain emotionally because the adults in their lives chose to be blind to the things that said children go through in their thoughts. It takes so very little to not harm the innocence of children, and in one giant swoop, we find out that we have the power to wreck lives long before they are even lived.
Sometimes, we are rejected by others because Spirit is trying to protect us
This is the one lesson that is the hardest on us all, because when it comes to other people and how much we feel for them and care about them, there is not a whole lot that our egos will not make us go through in order to be with that person or those people. Think back to when you were in high school, and then a little further down the road in that high school time of life to your first love, your first job, and think about how dearly crushing it was, unless you married your first love, to have gone through the loss of it.
…but wait ! There’s more…
Now that I have brought you back to that time and that pain, the other pain that we never think about until it is back in our face and the same situation that we faced back then is in the here and now. And in the here and now you do not realize that those feelings you are going through are the exact same ones as they were back then. The reason that you are not really aware of the first and biggest heart break of your life is because in the time that passed from then to right now, you do not realize that you came up with the answer to that question and this is why you are experiencing those feelings all over again.
The reason that you are going through what you are going through is because you did not learn what you needed to the first time around, and so now, given that …oh, maybe 20 to 30 years…have passed, you are sensing without knowing what it is that you are sensing. At this point, though, all of the begging and pleading, the promising and the making of deals, all of the things that kill your dignity are the very things that a whole lot of us do when we think that we are being abandoned by anyone. You can stop doing that, like right now, because really- in the time that has passed, you came up with the answer that you needed all those years ago and this is why you are going through those same feelings, if not the exact same thing, all over again.
What we do not think about while our hearts are being broken and while it is that we are suffering the things that we go through, all in the name, not of love, but of being included (which is NOT the same as being accepted) so that we do not feel like we have been left out, not thought about, not considered, not anything that would lead to our believing that we are not being accepted is that we are a different person now than we were just yesterday. We have a funny thing about us, we humans do, and it is that we all think in black and white, where there is no leeway between so that we can take a minute to think about things rationally.
It is irrational to chase someone who we want to love us, completely foolish to talk someone into us, manipulating them into being with us – because the truth is that it takes away from them. If you have to beg, plead or proverbially sell yourself to anyone – it might not be that you are being rejected, at least for real. It might well be that the person who is rejecting you will do you more damage in the long run. Instead we do the opposite. We chase them and when they have finally had enough, they end up hurting us anyway, and the worst part about it is that it is our fault.
More than one time in all of our lives we have been given a break by Spirit. Mother Goddess has stepped in and gotten herself in the way so that we will get out of our own way. Like children do, we ignore our Mother. She lets us go just far enough so that we can see where we have been and where we are now and also allows for us to make the choice to do, or not to do, again, that same thing that would bring us right here to this reality.
So, there you have it! Know that you are worthy of Love, that you never had to beg for it, and that if you have to beg for it, that the Mother Goddess is trying dearly to get your attention and tell you that She has something WAY better in store for you.
You just have to be willing to go through the pain that you have now, so that you can recognize it later, and thereby excuse yourselves from having to ever go through it again.
You will have chosen to Love, for real…to Be, in Love, as we are all meant to Be.
I LOVE YOU ALL !