Chasing the Dragon (Yeah…I went there)

Every one of us has chased a dragon or two in our lives…

My dragon’s name was money. I will admit it. I will even place the Kuleana on the idea that it was my Moon in Taurus which compelled me, at one time, to chase every single opportunity that came my way, so long as it equaled money at the end for me. I will not venture to say that the things that I did were illegal, and neither that they all completely wholesome, but, they all indeed did net me something, and the most important thing that they ever netted me was a lesson – normally a very dearly needed lesson.

The things that we will opt to do for the things that we think we cannot live without are also the things that we can refer to as being our dragons

We think we cannot live without the things that we pine for, obsess over, and believe that the longer we chase them, the sooner we will have them, so long as we do not ever give up chasing them.

Let’s look at the word “chase,” for a moment, shall we? I don’t want to go into the literal meaning of the word, but rather, I want to venture into the energy that is the word “chase.” I know that when I think about the word “chase,” immediately I am inundated with thoughts of high speed police chases in Los Angeles, and automatically I am thinking about trying hard to attain something that continues to elude us. I am willing to say that I have had a hard time with chasing the dragon of an income that comes from only one source (my Spiritual Practice), but then again, I am not chasing anything anymore. I am building a business that, anymore now, as far as my own involvement is concerned, and like any other type of business, will take time. I was not the most patient person when it came to being able to continue with the accumulation of monetary wealth, and while it is that for the most part, I actually and technically did bring in extra monies from my activities, I will also tell you all that it did not matter where I got the money from, and no matter that it was NOT ill-gotten, I will say that I was not exactly happy with myself afterwards.

While I was able to satiate what I thought was a need (the need for me to feel financially secure), it turns out that I was doing what a lot of addiction specialists would tell you is classic addiction tendencies. These days I am very well to agree with them.  When I came to terms with the reason behind why I chased my particular dragon I was a mess emotionally. I had become the thing that I loathed, and I had become a person who I didn’t even like, at all, and it was because I allowed something that was fear to make me believe that I would, without a doubt, end up penniless.

Guess what?

I was right. 

The times that we are right and don’t want to be right are the times when we need to pay specific attention to the things that are happening with us on an internal level. When we feel like we have to come up with things in order to come up with other things, we know that we are chasing something and normally that ‘something’ will either elude us or we will end up not being able to get enough of it once we have “caught” it. This is the reality that most folks don’t think about when they are thinking in terms of being obsessive to the point of insanity.

What the hell are you chasing for real?

And why the hell are you chasing anything or anyone at all, even if it is metaphorically? Let’s think about that one for a moment, shall we?

Think about “Tom and Jerry,” and “Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner,” and these days, “Fairly Oddparents,” or perhaps even “Mr. Crabs” from cartoon “Sponge Bob Squarepants,”and see, there, too, the thing about a chase.

How many times does any one of these characters ever end up landing what it is that they are chasing? (Ummm rarely, if ever) How many times, should they eventually land what they are chasing, does it last very long? It doesn’t, and it doesn’t because the creators of those cartoons and those characters would have nothing to give to their waiting audience without these characters having a great need to chase whatever is their obsession.

Is it the thing that they are all chasing, or is it the idea that there will be enough, at least for a little while, of whatever is the feeling that a person gets from being able to breathe for a minute, even if that might mean selling out and selling one’s soul just to have it? Is it that the obsession is bigger than the reason? What is it that makes a human being feel like something outside of themselves is the absolute thing that anyone needs to get along in the immediate timeline of their lives?

Why is it so very important to anyone at all to chase what it is that we will?

I would imagine…

I would imagine that those who are obsessed with anything at all would not be able to see what it is that I am saying here. What I am saying here is that, I would imagine, to chase something, or someone, is akin to chasing the best high that anyone could hope to have. Now, don’t get me wrong – there are some things that I will admit to enjoying, and others that I VEHEMENTLY am opposed to. Because I am not willing to allow people, through my words, to think that I am judging anyone at all, I will refrain from stating that people who chase a high are pitiful, because I know a different thing than that.

However, I would imagine that the pursuit of something, and to say it in that manner, rather than to say that we are always chasing something, would allow a person to think about what it is that they are doing, not only to themselves, but also to the people in their lives. The people in our lives are there and studying us, observing what it is that we are always doing, and because we are always doing what we are always doing, it is very normal to us and could be thought as being our everyday normal behavior. It is when that behavior becomes the thing that others note us for. To be in pursuit of a goal is one thing, but to chase a dream, no matter how wonderful that sounds, seems as though the outcome would never come to be.

Pursuing something – that is not chasing something. That is giving the impression and the energy of someone who knows that there is a specific thing at the end of the energy that they want to see. “Pursuit” and “chase” mean essentially the very same thing, but the energy emitted by them each is very different. It is like the example that I give of noticing the different energy behind the words “choice” and “option.” They mean essentially the very same thing, but at the same time, they do not.

This is why I am very good at telling people that they need to be careful of the things that they say, because really, even though words mean the same thing, they are used in very different context.  Two words can mean the very same thing, but at the same time, their meanings are not the same, if you thought about it long enough. It is because of the other words in the sentences that we create that cause these words to be different.

When we think about “pursuing” and “chasing,” one denotes that we are fully in charge in pursuing our dreams, and the other makes us automatically think that we will chase something until it is too tired to continue eluding us. It is like having a choice to make, and being able to know what one’s different options are. They mean the same thing, but they don’t. This can also be said about the words “obsession” and “addiction.” While I know about one, I know nothing of the other, at least I don’t think I do, and I know, for sure, not firsthand.

The energy which is created by our words is real

I am a strange chick, make no mistake, but it is what makes me perfect for the work that I do in life. My work involves giving people a clue about why it is that certain words and the energy behind those words make all the difference in the world. That words mean the same thing is one thing, but that they have different energy is where I bring it to the world in a manner that is not the same as everyone else’s is.

So, my magical point here is that, when we are chasing something, we must think, too, that we will never catch up to it, and that if we finally ever do catch up to it, it will, via the very energy that tells us that there is a marked difference in words that essentially mean the same thing in the literal sense but in an energetic sense are as different as night and day.

We are more inclined to chase the dragons which are wrecking us. We are more apt to take the road that is heavily traveled, because we know that on that road we will not have to travel all alone. We know that for some people, chasing their own dragons seems to be the thing that they just…do…in life, and it doesn’t matter if said dragons are the sort created in a lab, or if those dragons are created in our thoughts. They all are the very same thing, that is, if we feel the need to chase anything at all.

It is like one spouse trying hard to make the other spouse not only not see them for who they are right this moment, but who also expects that same spouse to equate forgiveness with taking them back ,when in reality, forgiveness is one thing, and accepting people who hurt us in the past and creating the possibility that they will be able to come back into our lives in the same capacity they were there and in our lives in the first place and within that allowance will create the same havoc they did in the past. I see it all the time, and the unfortunate thing about this is that, the offending spouse is totally clueless about the real reason that the way they themselves want things to be are not the same way that their other person can have it.

It boils down to the idea that humans expect forgiveness, and when that forgiveness does not include everything it had to offer them in the past, they get ass hurt. The ass hurt is not the issue – it is the expectation that people love others more than they love themselves, and while that is a nice idea, it is also an idea that is not very safe and will not allow so that the outcome for the offending spouse will be what happens. This happens a whole lot in abusive relationships, where the one who hurt the other believes that what they did to the other person …that they should just get the fuck over it already and allow their creepiness to have a chance to invade life for the victim again. (I said it…victim…deal with it…you have to earn being a survivor)

Once it is that the offending person realizes that the person who they hurt the most and who trusted them, NOT with anything material, but with the keeping of the other’s Soul, this is when the cycle of abuse begins again. This is when it is that things can be likened to the chasing of dragons, because it becomes an obsession for the offender to chase being in control of someone else, of controlling how they feel and what they think, and it is nowhere. To an abuser it is nothing to not think before they speak, to believe that who they are is enough for someone else to no longer have the ability, let alone the common sense, to allow hurtful people, no matter who they are, close enough to them again for damage to be done.

Yet, the offender is so filled with all these emotions, all this arrogance, all these things that blind them to the reality that is the other person’s. The offender thinks and believes that everything is forgivable or at least negotiable, that people should understand their reasons for the abuse, that people need to get over themselves already so that they – the offenders – can have their way. That is really what, technically, it is all about. It is really about the control of a thing, when speaking in terms of abuse, and the control is what can be thought of as the thing being chased.

And chase it, they will.

They will chase it because every offender believes that their victim is not human, and that the victim has the capacity to be able to fit into their own lives and their own sense of sanity, one more person to create havoc in the world. It is the victim whose emotions are riddled with self-doubt, with rage, and with every little dent and ding to their souls, and it is the victim who knows the reality that is the offender’s, but it is the offender who will continue to believe that what it is that they think they need is housed inside of their victims, and the only way for them to land their particular dragon is to get what they think they need and obsess over from said victim. The madness continues, because it is not the victim that the offender is really and technically in need of, but rather and only the control that they can exert over their victim that they are chasing.

I did not, do not need to be told this stuff, because I was that victim. And that is all I will say further about the nightmare that was once my life.

I was that obsession, that addiction to needing control. I was that victim who earned her survivorhood, and was that victim who did not need to chase the dragon of freedom, because it was the pursuit of wholeness that mattered and not the absoluteness of needing to be told that I need to be afraid, that I need to do what the police to me to do (it failed almost every time), that I need to follow the recommended advice set forth by “experts” (who could not be as much an expert in this crap as any survivor of it is), that I needed to do much more than to just not give into the people who victimized me, the thing that they were obsessed with and even addicted to.

That one thing, as I already stated, is control.

Pursuing that which eludes us means one thing

Again, I will reiterate that what it is that we think we have to chase is also what controls us. This is why I used the example of domestic violence.

Anytime we think we need to chase anything at all is also time to stop and take notice of why.  If we obsess over things related to that one thing, and we find ourselves always thinking about it and also the real reason behind what it is that we think we are chasing it for, we will have in our midst the reason as to why it is that we feel that emptiness where the wholeness of completion should be. It does not take something or someone else to make our lives complete. It truly only takes our being able to accept things as they are at any given time.

If we thought long enough about the reasons that we become obsessed with people or addicted to things outside of ourselves, we will know, no matter what, that the reason we do what we do is because we have a void. It is in that void where the creation of who we are is at. It is not meant that we would fill that void with things and crap that is about or even technically is other people. Other people, no matter how great their intentions are, are going to and SHOULD be taking care of their own interests, because it is in that modicum of self-care that also accommodates not only the void, but allows us through that energy to also help others.

When we choose to fill the void with things that are not that  great for us, choose to do things to our bodies that we know will hurt us and will cause us more pain through the process and temporary elimination of that pain through “numbing things” of any kind at all, we are also choosing to tell Spirit that we are not good enough to be well, that we are not able to trust what we know has been set out for us and by Her so that we can ultimately not have to deal with the same pains again. That is what this thing called “The Process” is all about.  It is not meant to make us nutty – we choose to go that route when we choose to chase dragons and not pursue dreams.

Stop Chasing Dragons

Seriously, stop chasing dragons, no matter what they are. Whether it is that you are trying to fill the void with drugs, booze, other people, you need to understand that it will not be anyone else but you or anything else but your ability to take the dragons by the horns and lead it, rather than allow it to lead and control you.

Think about how easy it is for that Roadrunner to make that Coyote chase him…

…and Mr. Coyote has never successfully been able to catch or control that damned bird since September 17, 1949.

That’s like, 64 years, guys….

Think about it.

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

 

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About ReverendRoxie22

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4 responses to “Chasing the Dragon (Yeah…I went there)

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