There seems to be that one tradition that is Universal when it comes time throughout the year, and namely during this holiday and the Christmas holiday that really is the paradox of all paradoxes
Holidays. They are meant to bring us together, but the truth of the matter is that more often than not, and yes, I called and asked a police person, it is this holiday that is today, Thursday, November 28th, 2013, and the next one, which is Christmas, that are meant to bring us together to celebrate with one another. Yet, most of the time, it is that we will fight. There is a reason that I personally do not like putting too much into the commercialism of the holiday season which begins in October and ends in …well, never, for the most part.
My thought is that the reason we fight with each other during the holidays is that for many years, ALL of us, no matter who we are or where we are at on the planet, has a bone to pick with someone in our extended families. At the moment, I sit here on my computer, listening to my parents talk about what they will be taking to my uncle’s house, and this is fine and good, but the reality is that I stopped listening a long time ago, about the greatness that blood relations hold for us. I won’t sit here telling anyone that their families or even my family is not good enough to hang with, but I will state that there is no law and neither a rule that says we HAVE TO be with the people who make us nutty during the holidays.
There are only two times a year that I celebrate with family, and it is because those two holidays are primarily for kids, and last time I checked, I still have two others who are minors and those two love to be with their cousins. I have decent memories of one side, but horrid memories of the other side of the family that I grew up with. Those memories will always be there. I cannot not recall them and I cannot go forward into that black night called “pretending that I like being with people” because regardless of who anyone is, it is not someone else who will have to explain away my words and actions and they will be the words and actions that have taken place in the past that came into my own awareness that prompt me to make the choice that is staying home and making my own Turkey and Football day meal.
On one side of my relations, I can deal, because they are as motley a crew as it gets, but the other side I have nothing to say to, at all, and in between this all there is the matter of the dying guy who, my brain says, will be, this year, celebrating his last Thanksgiving. My other thought is that why do people question anyone at all about the way that people celebrate anything at all. I am not, just like no one is, obligated to hang out with people when I know that holidays are the thing which make the very worst in me come out, and it comes out because I can “see” things that other people, a lot of people, that is, are not aware that they can also see. The one thing that I can see is straight through a lie. As well, I know when someone is being “pretend nice” to me, and I am not one who can be pretend nice.
Pretend nice is that game we play to accommodate other people, even and especially when we know that they don’t like us as much as we don’t like them, and really, this is actually the truth of the beauty of things because at least in that energy of not liking one another we are being truthful. The only thing that anyone can do in that situation is to just not deal with it and to also not create an energy of “pretend nice” that anyone else can see through and more, that the people who we choose to hang with during this time of the year also ought to know.
Thing is, while people spend all their energy and all of their selves, even temporarily, on trying to get someone else to try to be nice to a person, and vice versa, and try hard not to fight, the best thing that anyone else can do for another person is simply NOT to engage in the energy that is already there. I learned this lesson YEARS ago, that the only way to not have to hurt and fight and all of that other mess that happens at this time is to just not be there for it to happen. A lot of people like to give me a buncha bullshit about why it is that I am not hanging out with family (relatives) when I should already know that this is THEIR celebration. That is the problem, folks – we are too ready and geared to accept what is someone else’s tradition and we keep on NOT going with what we know is right for ourselves.
Too many people want us to sacrifice more than we care to, including our very sanity, at the cross of other peoples’ portended needs that are actually wants. You can all think that I am way selfish, and I really give not one shit about what people think about me as it is, so why I am going to not continue my own tradition of not being in the line of fire, at least on one side of the family, when I can choose to spend my day right here at home, not fighting over who said what and to whom at this time last year, and not fighting over why it is that certain people are not and have not been involved with my family as much as other people think that this one person should have.
Well, what have to ask anyone at all is this – why the hell is it so important to you or anyone at all that certain people show up? Why is it so big a deal that anyone would need someone who does not like people to begin with, to hang out with people they do not mesh with, and why are you buggin’ about the idea that since it is that this is YOUR tradition, that anyone else has to follow it?
Yes, this might be a harsh thing to read on this day in particular, but the reality is that people should be GRATEFUL that certain others are not present during this holiday, or any holiday, because once it is that anyone comes out of the idea that since you, yourself, loves to be with your family, that you or anyone else will not and cannot see beyond what is right for YOU. Did it ever occur to anyone that the reason that people DO NOT show up to certain familial ‘things’ is because people like me KNOW already that we have to be in the energies of people who are not being completely honest with themselves, and that people like me can read you like a book, and since you are not aware of your own energy telling you that I know this already, then I must be who does.
No, this is not toward anyone in particular, but is rather and only in response to an email I received this past week.
Traditions that no longer need to be
You can lambaste me after you are finished reading this, because my whole life, while I know that there has always been Love for me, the problem that is mine is that there are so many traditions that only pander to one side of things, and rarely does it address personal preferences. I love my dad’s family, and no, they are not who has, year after year, asked me if I will attend anything, even as they are gracious enough to extend the invite. They ALL know that no matter what, my Love is theirs. These people are intelligent enough NOT to impose on my own traditions, not to question my reasons why I am this way, and more than not, they are also not willing to try to talk me into something that I am not inclined to do, ever.
It is the tradition that imposes on people, the things that do not fit us all, the things that cause arguments and cause fights at the holiday time, and the tradition of going with the pack instead of going with what someone feels is the best thing to do for themselves. I am not one to follow pack mentality, and only realized recently that I have never been.
We hang onto traditions that never fit us because for some oddball reason, we want to be loved and accepted by our families, but if that includes our being faced with the possibility that there will be fighting because some people cannot keep their fucking opinions to themselves, then that is what anyone at all is asking for – a great big giant ugly fight, in front of your grandma and your aunties and uncles, cousins and siblings. Why can we not just be with the people who we call “family” and why can we not just go with the flow that is our own, all the time?
Because, that’s why. This is not saying that I do not love these people. This is saying that I love me and them enough to not be in the company of those who want to try to change me, control or influence me as to what it is that THEY want and NOT for me, but for them, and this will call on me to be pretend nice, which is not the truth of me. I can only live from the very truth of me, and playing and making nice, no matter how few times a year I feel like I have to, NEVER WORKS FOR ME because of the afterward part.
The afterward part is where I feel like I have failed myself in that, no matter how much I try to NOT partake in the gossip and the nonsense, I somehow end up being in the middle of it and when I take my leave from it, I end up feeling like a dirty soul, all because I was too busy making nice to be who I really am, and who I really am is not someone that certain people with whom I share DNA appreciate. One might assume that the appreciation from them would be that I not be there, pretending to like them, pretending that I do not hear what they are saying and knowing what they are NOT saying.
Traditions that no longer need to be are the ones that include our NOT being able to be our true selves. Many people want others to fake it every year, and I spent my lifetime faking it. I can no longer fake it, because I am way too real for that. While it is that there is not one person on this planet who I do not love, there are some who I do not love being with, and it is not their fault, neither mine, but that this is just the way that things are. This is the way things have been for many years, and for many years I bought into the idea that maybe one day I will be accepted as I am by the people who expected that I accept them as they are.
Guess they missed that lesson, right?
There are some traditions that we create on our own, and it is not only for the good of others, but more, for ourselves.
We each need to really start thinking about the value of traditions that historically have broken our hearts, shattered our souls, made us fight the fight just to be ourselves. This is why I celebrate this day at home, with my kids and their dad, the dog, the television blaring, and yes, an hour or two with my family whose names are Wendy and Alan and Susan and Jordan and who have never, ever judged me, no matter how strange I have always been.
Do not be scared to break the traditions that have always only broken your heart and crushed your spirit.
Happy Holidays…GO STEELERS !!!
I Love You All !