Prompting

When Prompted for seemingly no reason at all, by the inner whims of the Soul, it is not just a coincidence, but Divine Correspondence

There is a group of people on this planet with whom I share much on this plane and one of those things is DNA and a same familial matriarch. I had, for a long time,  spent my lifetime on this planet and in this awareness trying hard to get them to love me without condition. I could go on and on, and I could say things that would make them look really bad, but that is not how I roll.  In fact, anymore now, I will sooner not talk to them, just so that I do not have that opportunity to say things judgmental about them. It is just not okay for me to do that anymore, to anyone, and I try very hard not to. It is just an easier thing for me to not have contact with people like that, because if I have contact with people who have made it their mission, or so it seems, to look for everything about me that anyone will judge as “bad,” you can bet, without a doubt, that I am going to get and to be very fierce for a very long time.

These days, my fierceness in energy is meant to light the torch on the Path that others now follow, on their own and without fear or shame of who they are. My fierceness does not include, for the most part, my going out into my own world, sullying other people for the things that they said about me or how they felt about me without a good enough reason or for a reason that I gave to them because of what I have said or have done about or to anyone.

I was washing the dishes

It was but a few hours ago that I was prompted with the thoughts of what I had been told months before, about things that I had been called, things that had been said of me, that may still get said of me. It had been a long time since that thought was in my head, and I am not one to take promptings like this anything but seriously. When I have not thought about someone for a long time, namely when it is a group of people who, at least some of them, knows that they hurt me, badly enough for it to have affected me well into adulthood, and suddenly, while I am doing the dishes, there they were, it is not a thought that I thought all on my own. I was prompted by Spirit.

The thoughts, and the people who made those thoughts possible, and the things that they’d said in and out of my presence are what were there for a moment and all at one time. For me to have had issues with what was said for a very long time and from the time that I was a small child is telling as to what kind of world we live in and have always lived in. For many years I tried to get them to just accept me, but always I would, not very long later and afterwards, hear things being said about me or that were said about me, and none of it was nice and most of it was very damaging to me. I carried that weight with me forever.

That is, until this morning, when I was washing the dishes and the thought of two in particular came to my mind, with the third being the person who I was being prompted to ask a question of.

And as always, this person did not let me down. They couldn’t have, because they also know that I am one who deals in the ugly truth far better than I do than when someone tries to save me from harsh words. When it is that harsh words are the only things that you can recall, it is harsh words that you will always and only recall. I won’t sit here and repeat them, because then I have to live through all of it again, and because I was only prompted this morning, the wounds are still there, but at least now, for sure, they will heal.

We are prompted when we are ready to grow from something

It is not as though we are going to be told outright when we are about to grow a bit, or that we have grown. In my case, it was that I have grown and more, that I have outgrown the beliefs set in me by people who really haven’t any real idea of who I am. I might be one of the weirdest people that anyone knows, but I am also as equally loving. I may not be the first person who some people might think about when thinking in terms of “not in her right mind,” but I have, unless someone was just trying to be a douche bag about things, never been called selfish, ever.

Because I knew these things about me, and because I knew that I am not a bad or an evil person, and because I knew and know that what my beliefs are are not subject to judgment or by vocal opinion by anyone, I also knew that when I asked the person I was prompted to ask, that I would not get anything but the truth and lovingly so.  I was right.

In fact, it was their choice to tell me that what anyone else says about me, coupled with the idea that they told someone in common to us both that unless and until that other person has the guavas enough to ask me personally about the things that I believe, that they have no right to judge, and that if their problem with me is because of one of my parents, that it is not my weight to bear, even as bear it, I did, for many, many years, and that it never was.

It was a relief for me to ask, actually. I readied myself for the typical things that the person I was prompted to ask these things of when in regards to certain things that I ask of them, and always, as they know, I appreciate the truth rather than the soothing that normally, people will look for. No, this person to whom I was prompted toward has always known that I would rather hurt than to have to hear one more pretty thing that, even though it would have been the truth, would have not been what I had expected.

So, you can imagine my own delighted surprise to have heard their answer, that really, what had been said and thought of me was very dearly and only judgmental, that the person who the one who I was prompted to ask was speaking to, told them that they do not know me, have never known me or my siblings, and that the real issue was not with me, but more, with what they thought of one of my parents. While it does not take the sting away, and while it will never ever give me all those years back when I really thought that those people with whom I share blood relations with never knew me well enough to have an opinion of me, the prompted one’s words helped lift the dead weight of what someone’s harsh judgment had left me with for the entirety of my lifetime until this very moment.

Sometimes, it is because we have to go through what we have to go through in order for others to come to the conclusion that it was not anything other than their arrogance that causes so much pain for people

No one ever had to tell me that I was not evil, that when I was but a child, that no adult, no matter who they were in my life, had the right to behave as though since it was that I was related to both of my parents, that the one in question is the very reason why anyone in that group who placed that weight on me indeed placed it on me. No one, not even my siblings, will ever know what it was like to be that child, because it was me who, later, made sure to it, through my antics as a teen, which made it possible for these people to say of my brother and my sister that at least my parents could hope for those two because I was just like the one parent who they hated was like. And I still am very much like that parent in that I will not ever allow a person to be awful, for any reason, to any three of my kids, or even to the ones my children have brought into my life and who consider me their other mom.

There was never a good or a real reason why I had to be the target of all the emotional sins placed on me by a group of people who may well have loved me, but did so with conditions and to the extent that was all for show, in my opinion. There was nothing other than the very real energy of my never being completely part of them, and all because of the fact that these people never much liked one of my parents. There was always that feeling that no matter what, I would have to TRY to get them to even think of me in human terms, let alone related to them, because of a whole lot of reasons, but none of them ever made sense and still do not make sense. My thought of a few of them now is that they really, dearly need to stop judging people, because it has taken a lot within me to NOT spill what I know about them. Of course, I wouldn’t, because that is just not how I roll.

Yet, that is what all these years that were imbibed with all the pain and the ongoing soundtrack in my head that repeated to me, in their voices, that I was not good enough, or that I was stupid, or that I would never amount to anything in my life, or that my parents at least had two good kids that were not screwed up. Neither of my siblings will know what it was like to have to deal with these people and not have an adult backing them, particularly one more than the other, because she, herself, was a little girl, and I, at that time in her life, one of those who could be called one of “the adults in her life.” She knows well that there was, and still is, no matter how mad I might be at her, not one person on this planet who will get away with saying untrue things of her, as long as I am within ear shot. I will, no matter what, and this applies to ANYONE who I love enough to go to bat for, never deal with an untrue thing about anyone, ever.

Careful what you say, please, namely in the company of children, as they might grow up to do good things in the world, and might just forget about all the ugly things that you said of them when they were just little kids

I get very upset when I hear ANY adult telling ANY child to shut up. Telling someone to shut up, unless they are just running away at the mouth and only making things worse for the sake of being  made worse, is the most ultimate way to show sincere disrespect, namely if you are wrong. The reason why some men feel like they can tell a woman to shut up is not because she is running away at the mouth, but perhaps because she is not being given her RIGHT to defend herself against her words,  and also, because she might have a point and more than that, HE might be found out to be WRONG.

This is the thing that I was told forever, even today, and was the thing that did not do more than prove me correct in that it is not that anyone was trying to make a situation better for everyone involved, but so that taking sides would be easier. It is not that I was told to shut up, but the reason behind being told to shut up. It is not the respect that is there and evident, but the disrespect that cannot be hidden because it is bigger than the surface respect.  You see, when you grow up thinking that people respect you, and it was because they ‘showed’ it to you, and you are older now, and you really DO know what is the truth of respect, you, meaning me, end up getting very upset when the reality that has been given does not match the reality that is for real.

My reason for that part of this writing is that it takes a little bit of respect for the person who any one of us is thinking to belittle, and that respect appears to be fear, because fear, when instilled in the right amounts, will absolutely bring about an energy that looks like respect, when for real, it is not respect in any other way than forced. It is forced because of the idea that if we do not respect people who share our memories with us will not recall it either, and in my case, it was not their not recalling, but their recalling and making it seem as though somehow,  no matter what I said or did, I was somehow a bad person. And as that bad person, I was always told to shut up.

So, I spent my life shutting up, being assumed a bad person, not really taken seriously at all, and being pitied, by a group of people who still, to this day, are no where near anywhere aware of how I really am. And it is really okay by me, because being related to people does not guarantee that we will get along, or that those relations will somehow trump the truth. The truth was always what I wanted, but I was not given the truth. Instead, I was given a laundry list, albeit silently and through the mechanism called omission of the truth, of conditions that I had to live up to, by almost all of them.

To this day, I have not really lived up to any of them other than that I have respect for them because somehow, at least one of them knows who I am, and that one person made the difference for me.

Prompting

It was the prompting by Spirit that would not let this go, the part that is remembering, even if only one last time, so that what is not right could be at least settled, so that those who hurt and caused hurt could be released from that hurt on both sides through all of this letting go of that energy.

Today was a big giant hairy spider deal for me, because the fear of responding to a prompt by Spirit will always augur what is the truth, no matter if it is an ugly truth or a truth that, like I waited a lifetime for, would be the most beautiful truth in the world. And it was. It lifted me, and made me feel like I had ribbons of delight wrapped around my soul, because for more than 40 years, I lived with only half the truth and I lived with the pain brought by that half truth.

Though I know that what was given to me today will never take away the years that I pined for their acceptance, it makes it so that now, I can move forward, and should I see them anytime soon, I can greet them with the neutrality that comes from not knowing someone else, that comes from the hope that maybe we will see things in one another that we never knew was there because we simply took for granted the idea that who we are and what we believe is the truth of anyone else is only what we know from our experiences. Not experiences with them only, because they are also part of that on their own. Experiences that takes away from them, and falsely gives to you.  By “falsely gives to you,’ I mean that you get what you felt like you wanted and needed, and you didn’t care that it took anything away from anyone else. How they feel or felt about me is irrelevant to what I learned to feel about people in general, and that is truly, trust must be earned, and worse than that, sometimes, it is never given, no matter what.

The person who I was prompted to ask this of was gracious, is always gracious enough and mindful of my own scars and heart, and did not take sides, just like they know I would not. Had it not been that they were able to put in their own two cents when the chance rose for them to, I might not have a thing at all to write about.

And the prompting to get in fast contact with her is why.

Never assume that what you are thinking, seeing, hearing, or knowing, at any given time, no matter what it is, and especially if it is out of the blue, like this time was for me, that it is NOT by Spirit.

Spirit…she is a tricky dominatrix whose love for her earth bound children is so wide and real that to ignore things like prompting is like holding the winning lottery ticket and doubting your own eyes for what they see.

Do not shun the prompting…it might be the difference between darkness and light…

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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About ReverendRoxie22

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