The darkness is scary, not because it is darkness, but because of what is in it that the Light reveals.
We all have a shadow, all of us. There are even elements of our Shadow within our Light and it is meant to be this way for one singular purpose – balance. Without the darkness we float along the ether not realizing that we need to come down from the clouds and that we should opt to come down willingly rather than wait to be knocked down . It is the ego self that makes it this way, because the ego wants nothing to do with the pain that it causes for us. It is the ego within that tells us that we have to hide from the light when in the presence of our own darkness.
The presence of our own darkness
it is not the presence of our light that scares us, but the presence of our darkness that is revealed by our light that hurts. It hurts because for a long time we have tried to wear only the lighted smile, and have only tried to carry the weightlessness that is the Love and the Light as One. We recognize the light, and we adhere to it, and we do so thinking that we have no darkness.
I am sorry, loves, but just as nothing can be hidden when the light is there, neither can that which be called “darkness” exist without our being afraid of it being exposed by our own light.
More than a lot else, we are more ashamed of what we are not aware of, of that which the light reveals that we are either not believing is there, do not want to believe is there, or really, we just do not realize that it is there, this thing called the Darkness. We cannot be fully aware of who we are without our darkness. Where it is that a person has been told they are way too vain is someone else not acknowledging, at all, that they are as vain, if not worse. It is the same with a person who is addicted to something, or an activity, or yes, even a substance, and who points out the things that another is addicted to and by. Where it is that we might not have a drug addiction, the moment that we point it out in someone else, we know, right at that moment, that we, too, are addicted to something.
It happened to me…and probably you, too
I will not lie to anyone about it, but I know that part of my darkness is my vanity. While I am not one who wears any make-up, I am one who has an issue with one stinking little gray hair poking its way through the black madness that I have the nerve to call hair. If my hair is not all one uniform color, and yes, I am aware that it is my age and nothing more than that which makes the grays poke out of my skull, I will refuse to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone who I have not seen in a few weeks until I have dyed it all. I am not one to pay much attention to fashion trends but when I wear something “trendy” I have gotta be the only one in the room who is wearing it.
I am not one who bothers with the attention given to what is on the outside of me, but when it comes to my large vocabulary and my penchant for using big words, regardless of the company I am in at the time, I like using big words. I do this because I like to pretend sometimes that I embody the phrase “All brains and this, too.” Yes, it bothers me sometimes how vain and arrogant I can be about (of all things) my ability to be the world’s greatest word snob anyone knows. It bothers me sometimes that I will stop and look at my reflection but only to see if I have anymore gray hairs. It bothers me that what my darkness is happens to be the same thing that I am able to just point out, in anyone, no matter what, and always, I know that i am correct. I know when I am in the presence of other snot-nosed women who think they know better than everyone else, who think, by the very degrees that hang on our walls, that somehow, we are just the best things with brains and walkin’ on two legs.
I hate admitting it, but it is the very truth of me. I like being very intelligent, and for a time it was that intelligence that also was my crutch and my darkness. Because I was told for many years that I was brilliant and bright, intellectually, that when I was younger I did everything I could to dumb myself down so that I could fit in, and when I got older, and sometimes even to this day, depending upon exactly what it is that is being discussed, I did and do everything within my power to make it known that I am not a stupid woman.
Yet, this does not mean that I have to allow that part of me be the only thing that is awesome. And it is awesome in a dark and imposing way, because I know that if I were not this version of me, it would be that hauntingly intelligent, big giant IQ that would be the fodder for the ego’s growth. Well, none of us needs help, really, growing our egos. We all need help understanding it more than much else.
The Ego is the part of us each that makes us think that no matter what, we have to be better than someone else.
No, we do not. We cannot. The reason that we cannot is that we are each and all awesome, period. I am not awesome playing any musical instrument, but my friends, most of them, are, and in likewise kind, my musical friends would much rather read my writing than help me write anything – they are not writers, but I am, and I am not a musician, but they are. This is our light, respectively. They bring beauty and love to me in the manner that is warming to my hula soul. I bring to them a different thought about the brainy chick and about how I apply my brain to their life situations. Together, while I am not musically inclined, I am beauty-inclined in that I appreciate their beauty in the music that is their light borne of the darknesses that they each have in their lives. In kind, it is with my words that i am able to tell them, through poems, through my blogs, through my simply emailing them and venting, what is the condition of my soul and pour out onto them the things that are making me hurt.
If it were that I was way more egotistical and arrogant about the reality that is my love for words, or, if it were that they were somehow more inclined to think that maybe I can hang with things on my own and without their input, thereby not reciprocating back to me the energy that is healing on the soul level from and by them, not one of us would be able to well understand one another, namely on the soul level, because we would only be doing what it is that we each do for the gain of the glory given to us by others. But it is not like that, at all. It is a beautiful thing to know that my musicians love me as much as I love them. It is a beautifully glorious thing that we all relate to one another on the level that is all and only the soul. It is a grandly gorgeous thing that because we have this understanding of one another that even when we are not being our top-notch selves, we are being true to who we each are and also true to who we are within the boundary of the soul family we created with one another.
Learn to embrace your darkness
I talk to a LOT of people. It is my job in this lifetime. Through those people I am able to see my own darkness, able to bring them to a place where they are allowed to be who they really are without making up a good enough reason for being this person. The one thing that I notice first and fastest is that on some level, they feel like they are responsible for the things that other people say and do in regards to them. They fall into a melancholy state and are not aware of the fact that they are carrying a weight that is not theirs. The moment they realize this is one thing, but the moment they accept it and believe it is an entirely other thing all together. They learn that who they are is not what they have done, but that what they have done is how they ended up where they are at any given moment. When they accept that they are not perfect and that only they have the right to judge themselves is when they also begin to accept that sometimes, things are just going to be the way they are, no matter what. It is the acceptance of the darkness and not only the light that comes into play for them.
Don’t fear the Darkness
We need to not shun our dark places, because in our dark places we always will be required to return to the light within us each. It is never the darkness that kills our spirit or our inner flame, but rather the fear of the light which will shine on those places and reveal parts of us that we are not that proud of. What no one thinks about is that all of us has a shadow side, and all of us has stuff about ourselves that we are not really too thrilled to have as a truth.
At the same time, while it is that we are going through the things that are our darkness, we can feel safe in the idea that the darkness is being revealed because of the light. The light will never let anything not be seen that needs to be seen, and no matter what we do or try to do in trying to hide things, they will, no matter what, come out. Better to let them come out to breathe, to see the light, to be part of you and who you are becoming than to hide it all, there beneath the surface of what is and hiding in the mask that is “what is not.”
There is much fear in the darkness, because it is where things hide. It is when the light is allowed to seep into the cracks in our resolve and break through the barriers of who we think we are to the truth of who we are that through the pain caused by who we are not and have never been that we can utilize our darkness.
So, you see, it is not the darkness that we truly fear as much as the light who we are is and shines on those places we fear being and showing the most. Embrace the darkness.
You cannot recognize what is the light without the darkness.
I LOVE YOU ALL