Sometimes, she talks to spiders

Fear is empowerment gestating

There is no one on the planet who does not know that I do not like spiders one little tiny bit. I mean, yes, if I have to tell you guys this then I will-I had a “pet” spider who the kids and I named Chuck and who used to live in the blinds above my kitchen sink for a very long time (in terms of spider time, that is) – it is not truly that I ‘hate” spiders, but that I fear them immensely. The reason that I fear them immensely is that when looking at one, and in thinking about how big we humans are to something that small, at least in terms of spiders that the majority of us see cruising around in our reality, we can only think that some of those tiny little critters with 8 legs…some of them can kill us.

In the ugliest possible way.

I cannot stand them because I am scared of them. I do not want to suffer a deadly bite, and I do not want to go through the things that I have read about how deadly some spider venom is. However, over the years, because I have educated myself about the most deadly ones to my locality, I can, in my fear, also feel a bit of empowerment in that even as I cannot control the spiders, I can protect myself from them in just knowing what it is that I know of them and can act accordingly.

We forget sometimes that this is their world, too, and we forget that everything in the natural world is meant to teach us through whatever characteristics they hold that make us afraid of things that are not bigger than the nail on my big toe. I say that I hate spiders, but in reality I have great fear of them, of what some of them can do, but when I think in terms of relation to me and my smallness on the planet and how many other people are here and sharing the Cosmic web with us, I can see clearly some of the lessons that the spiders teach me.

What the spiders told me

Yes, there are some of you reading this who know that there is a joke behind my telling people that I “talk to the spiders,” and in different circles it has different meaning and energy. One circle is, at this time, and those within that circle are likely beside themselves with laughter just knowing what that phrase means and that we all have that one memory of me (ahem) “talking with the spiders.” Then there is another group for whom the phrase “What the spider told me” carries a much more important energy and one which is nourishing and healing and one, paradoxically, that tells me that rather than be only afraid of the power of the venom of some spiders, that I need to learn what lessons and teachings these creatures hold for me.

It is not the fear that they could kill me, but that I would not see them coming or perhaps would not feel it if I were sleeping, and that I could get bit by one. It is not really that they scare me so much as that they are really not very beautiful to look at but are, instead, very menacingly beautiful when really studied. And there is a reason that they are menacing and a reason that now, I realize, they are what they are and they do what they do, and yes, this is what the spiders told me.

They tell me that  these very intricate creatures speak to the fear of everything that I cannot see or yet foretell. They tell me that even though my fears might seem small, that they are, as well, quite powerful. They tell me of my own Power and the creative nature of the Feminine Divine and they tell me that my own destiny is mine to create alone and that on my own I am and have the very power to be a Divine force in Life. They tell me that I Am dearly a creative dominatrix, but not where that word would apply but rather, out in the Light, unafraid to be as intimidating as I have been told I am but cannot see because I do not believe that I have an intimidating, neither threatening nature unless it is that I have, myself, been intimidated or feel the tiniest bit threatened. They tell me that, as this ‘dominatrix’ who is not what people think it is or I Am in the sense that anyone might be thinking, I am the very one who is creative in thought which allows me also to be creative in the manifestation that follows.

Spiders tell me that mine is a world that is completely within my power to create, that I alone must create it and that no one else will survive for me and that I must create the reality that I need to have so that, in tandem with my needs, the things that are desired will also be what is manifested. They tell me of the great depth of patience that I am possessed of, and of the things that I am meant to create, not only for me, but for those with whom I share my own world. They speak to me of secrecy and hidden places in the darkness and of the ugliness that creates the beauty in life. They tell me that my power is not in the things that I speak only, but those aspects which are completely and totally the darkness of me that can only tell the intimidating truth of me. They tell me that the reason that, for years, I have felt as though I have been hated, that really, I have not been hated, but rather, misunderstood.

Once we have the ability to look at the things that scare us we can begin to ask why they scare us and how they apply to who we are. Who we are is a collection of everything we have been through in our lives, of all of the events in our lives, good, bad, neutral, and it is the web of power that we create for ourselves through our fears and the things that broke our hearts and made us cry, brought us to our knees and made us beg for mercy in the silence that is the tears which roll down our faces in the middle of the night, staring in the darkness at the invisible ceiling that we know is there, and hoping that the faceless yet beautiful entity on the other side of that ceiling somehow will hear us, finally, and that somehow will see our broken state and will salve us so that we can save ourselves.

These critters will always be foreboding to me, will always carry a bit of a threatening intimidation for me, no matter what, but they will also always tell me that the reason that they are these things to me is also that in many peoples’ eyes, I am like the spider who showed up one day, revealed the fear that lurks within and through the venomous nature that is the intimidation that others perceive to be there, I am able to make different the thought about people who, like me, know things before we are meant to, know your whole life story and exactly who you are at that moment in time, for real, and who, by my very nature, even as I have a darkness in me that is stinging and hurtful, am really only scary until you realize through learning about who I am for real, that I am anything but.

All this I learned while in conversation with the Spiders….


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