The things that impact us most is what we carry and are changed by…
(This post is being written on behalf of all those people on the planet who have been visited by abuse and violence…you are not alone….know that you are Loved….)
One thing that is the absolute truth of things is that once we have made contact with a person, a place, a thing, an event, anything, really, we are forever impacted by it. Again, today, and because October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I will use illustrations from my own experiences of being a life-long victim of someone else’s fears. Yes…life-long, because abuse starts long before we are coupled up with someone else who will be bad to us.
Once it is that we have had contact with anything or anyone, we cannot not be affected somehow by it. Once it is that the harshness of words becomes the physical reality for us we cannot un-hear, un-feel, undo what was said to us and done to us. It just will not happen. The harshest part of this harshness is that the realization of who we have become also becomes a truth that we ourselves did not bring into our lives but at the same time, due to our own not knowing of what we are going through, we end up unknowingly allowing the contact we have been forced to accept as the reality that, through our unwittingness, has been both presented to us as well as have allowed through manipulation and not-so-gentle coercion.
The things that abuse victims go through do not end for them. It is not until we have chosen to survive, til we know and accept that it will take time for us to get over the things that have happened that we can know within that we never had to deal with these things had someone been there to tell us that what we were experiencing was so the opposite of anything that can be thought of as being “normal.” Once it is that the ugly descriptors of who we are told we are takes hold, and we are like clay in an artist’s hands, is when the next step of things will begin. Always the next step is something uglier than the last thing that we went through. And again…I will repeat it, repost it, become the lone voice in the wilderness if I must – it is the contact that has been made on us, at us, has been enforced and our asses kicked, both proverbially and literally, the next kind of contact is made.
Isolation can be thought of as a sick method of contact through non-contact
Isolation. It is a thing, but it is a thing that carries a lot of negative, void causing energy, and it is one of the most powerful tools that an abusive person can utilize in making your life miserable. It is not human nature for us to not have contact with others who are like us. It is not normal for humans to NOT be in contact with one another. That is not what we are about. Human beings are meant to have contact, and even though I know that in a perfect world there would be no violent or ugly contact, this is not the case. Abusers will not have it in their world that we have contact with other people, because abusers like to believe that their victims need no other people in our lives. This is not the truth. If you have to have it that the person who you swear that you love believes that they need no one else other than you, this makes you a douche bag, this makes you the weakest link in the chain of people in the life of someone who you swear to everything holy and unholy is somehow damaged and was damaged until your more-perfect-than-God ass showed up.
The contact that you made with the person you have abused is forever. Your victim will not ever forget the things that you assumed, the things that you accused them of, the things that you told them that they are, the things that you told them that they are not, EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAID, DID, NO MATTER WHAT…ALL of it will not ever NOT be there. You have damaged them, their sense of safety, their sense of self control, their sense of who they truly are, and it is all because you could not see that the person you turned into your property is an actual human being. It is not you who has been given the right to tell another person who they are according only to you. You are not the last person on the planet. You are just the last person who will be in your partner’s life if you can manipulate them into believing it.
No one can un-hear the things that they have heard. No one can not ever go through the physical violence once it has happened. No one can un-anything that has happened to them. This is the contact you have made with them. This is the reality that you brought to them through that contact. Yes, I am very pissed off at the idea that anyone has the non-balls to do these things to another person. It is not their fault that you are an ass hat. It is not their fault that you are insecure with your sorry ass self. It is not their fault that you feel like they had the thought BEFORE you did all the stupid bullshit you pulled on them, that they would do something to hurt you. Normal people are not prone to things that would make them want to hurt someone they say they Love. Normal people do not have to resort to bullying other people to make those other people agree with them. Normal people do not have it in them and do not consistently roll like so many turds rollin’ down-hill and act like they are just the absolute most grandest thing on two legs on earth. The thing that made you be the way that you are, and this is for ALL the abusers who know they are an abuser and have to deal with it WITHOUT making life shitty for someone else….the thing that made you like this was that someone else did this same shit to you. And you know I am speaking the truth, right now, and yes, I totally feel you squirming like the maggot that you are.
How’s that for the shoe on the other foot?
To anyone reading this who sees themselves now as what they are, know, too, that you can change this. You do not have to have contact with those things that made you into this maggot like monster. You do not have to continue being this person. You can have contact with new experiences, and you can replace that pain that you put on someone else because you were in pain, elsewhere, like out into the Universal jive of things and turn it all into your badge of honor. There were things in your own awareness that caused you to be this way. There were people who brought to you the contact that you would not ever not know anymore, and there were people who agreed with those abusers in your own life who made things ugly for you, and the worst part is that they also abused the adults in your life and in their hearts,just so that they would not have to not be in control.
Being in control is the main ingredient in the sick ass stew made by the abusive ones on the planet. If it seems like I am judging people harshly, people who, they themselves, also hurt as much as any abuse victim in their lives would, it is because I am. I know that abused people who have not yet healed will also be abusive. I know this because from the time that I was a small child I saw the abuses that people willingly placed onto others and all for what? So that the abusers of the world could feel superior and so that their outer world would match their inner world? So that their tiny little egos would be able to catch up with their overblown energy that is their arrogance? So that someone else could hurt as badly from the contact made on them that these abusers would have felt like they needed to make it known to anyone else that this is what happened to them? You don’t need to assert that energy anymore. You now have made contact with this blog. You now have these words that release you, somewhat, from what happened to you.
You are not back there anymore. You are not being contacted by anyone but you. Your sordid thoughts are the manifestation of what you believed that someone else told you about you and in accordance with themselves. It was a selfish act that you learned and honed to your best advantage and it is still the thing that rules you and your life. You believe that you are entitled to this energy, the one that tells you that you are never wrong, that that bitch deserved what you gave her, that that douche bag asshole got what he deserved. You believe that you are somehow above it all because you have not yet begun to resolve this inside of yourself. Once you have made contact with that part of yourself that still is in so much pain…this is when the realness of Life becomes the realness of you. The contact you made with your partner, with those people who you hurt so badly, with it all, has turned you into this person. It took a long time for you to end up being this way. Think about it. You probably didn’t think to yourself “when I grow up, I want to hurt the person who I Love the most so that they won’t leave me, so that they will be afraid to leave me because of what I have threatened them with, just to make them stay.” No one ever breathes the words “When I grow up, I want to be the person who makes the person who I Love the most scared of me.”
All of this contact with other people, abusive or not, stays with us throughout our lives. We can never ever not go through what we have been through.
The Universal Law of Contact is what makes us unique, even though our experiences might not have been too markedly different
I am okay with sharing these things that visited my life with you all. As I have said in the past, the things that I have gone through and have learned from are what have caused me to be this version of me. The Universal Law of Contact is what makes me, me. Had I not experienced what I did, not learned through that pain that I am every bit as Loved and cherished as I have always been, I would not know it, would not believe it, and most of all, would not have lived to tell about it.
There are some people who are reading this who would say that I am just here shooting my mouth off, but the truth is that we do not have the contact we have with people for no damned reason. There is always a damned reason. Had I not been someone’s victim, I would not have made contact with people who could help me get to this point. The contact I made with the organization I was blessed with having as my guiding Light was important contact, as it marked the end of an era for me, and one that broke me into a million tiny pieces every minute of everyday up to that point. If it were not pointed out to me, the things that I needed to remember, not only about myself, but about how abnormal abuse really is, I would still be a basket case, would still be willing to hang on every word that I had heard from people who I felt could make all my tears stop, and it was not until I had that contact which was the springboard to my beginning to see that everything to that point was a long list of things that I was too afraid to face alone. We are never alone.
Proof of this is that you are here reading this. Proof of this is that you know you hurt and that you now also know that the person who burdened you with their bullshit also hurts, worse than you realize that they do. No, I am not telling you that you have to make things right with them. I am saying that you have to make things right with you and the only person who can fix you is YOU. You cannot bother with making your abuser agree to agree with you, because they won’t. Most of the time they are just as confused as you are, but their confusion masks itself as bravado, as knowing better than you, as a lot of things that they don’t even realize they are making false just by making abuse be alive in your life. They are undoing the things that happened to you by making them alive for you, meaning that whatever it is and now was the truth of you before they showed up is still the truth of you but has now got this ugly-ass truth, too, and it is a truth that is unkind and it takes a lot of work to create another and better truth about you and the world in which you live.
The next time that any one of you feels the need to make your ugliness the truth of someone else, remember that you, yourself, have been right where they are, and that the contact you make with anyone, no matter what, becomes part of the fabric of their lives.
Do not forget this.
I LOVE YOU ALL !
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