Screaming, silently, is the song of transformation
It was simply just time, I felt, to change the theme of this blog from the heralding and quietly venomous journal that it could have been seen as, to this blatant act of transformation, and I was told that this would happen, but not by a human being – by, instead, a hummingbird, a dragonfly, a crow, a Japanese Beetle and of course, a butterfly.
I noticed that I began seeing more and more of these specific creatures, and at first I was a little freaked out because they all are of the same elements – air, and earth, but there was only one of them which was related to water, and that one creature was the Dragonfly. Dragonflies are odd as much as they are gorgeous. They remind me sort of myself in that I am a bit on the odd side, do not consider myself to be this gorgeous creature outwardly, even though I know that my heart and soul are well on their way there, and it is not without tears, not without the aches and the pains related to transformation of the Self. Yes, while it is that this is a writing that would have been well suited to my other blog, at this time in our collective thought and our collective energy, my thought personally is that there is no place else where this particular writing should be, because as anyone who has been where I have been, you know that the one thing we ALL pine for is to no longer hurt, even if it means that, one last time, we must go through what it is that hurt us in the first place, even if it is only in our minds and souls.
Transformation means change, and change is scary. Right now, though, we are being told by our outer planets that our inner workings will never be what they need to be if they do not bother with the ugliness that is the pain that we each just shoved down deep into the recesses of the psyche, into the dark shadows of the place where, for too long now, both literally and in a figurative sense, we have remained for far too long already. We are being called out of the darkness, and it is the outer things that make us cry that are making the inner things feel like this is just not going to be what we need or want, is no longer what we have a use for, and most of us have a very difficult time with letting go of things. I know I do. And yes, it is because for a long stretch of time I was someone’s victim, and then I was my own survivor, but now?
Now I am all the Healer that I was sent to this lifetime to be, and while I may not fully believe that thought, my Soul tells me that I am right and that this is where I am supposed to be right now. Yes, I am, like you are, meant to be in this energy that is the hurt and the heartache from all the hurting we have done for the past however long we have hurt for, and now is when that energy is no longer needed because at this point in our Path to Evolving who we are for real, we have already used the pain and the hurt and the everything else that people and more so, ourselves, gave to us. It is hard for someone like me who has fought to keep herself from sliding back into the energy that is victimhood, harder for me to let go of the label of Survivorhood, and even more difficult, not to accept my place as the Spiritual Diva I have turned into (Yeah, I said it – deal with it…) and more difficult to NOT say what I am and most difficult to wear the Soul of being a Shamaness versus speaking the role of that same thing. If there is anything that being a survivor has taught me it is that sometimes it is not we who needs to spout about who we are, but instead, we who need to let other people come to us and tell us that they know.
When we go and tell people what we are, we give the ego within a place to fester when instead it needs to learn to just Be. This is the thing about being a survivor of anything – we need to learn to just Be who we are and let Spirit handle the rest. This, along with a lot of other things, is what the Dragonfly told me.
The dragonfly told me that it is time to accept the upheaval in my life, to see to it that I really am ready to get out there in the big fat obnoxious world and be who I am becoming. It was the Dragonfly who told me that I needed to see my own iridescence, my own Piscean sparkle, but not to let my own Ego be who spouts about it, but rather and only, those who I have been in close council with, and some of those people it has been years and years, and also, with those people, it has been without my realizing that my lot in life is to be the Love and the healing energy in the lives, not only of those closest to me, but the world at large. I know from watching these creatures that my place in the world of the Soul is to be light with my energy, swift with my teachings, ardent with my thoughts, and that even physical beauty has elements, not only of danger, but more, of the Shadow (because some people have, until now, or at least recently, only seen and appreciated the outer me…it was not til recently that they saw me for the first time…it scared them, but they know, too, that I am who and what I say I am) side of me as it pertains to them.
It was not that I didn’t know that this part of our collective transformation was coming, but that it had already been here for quite some time and that the aches and the pains were not from anything more than those changes which had already happened. We do not realize it until someone tells us that indeed, we are beautiful, but it is not what we think, not what we wanted, but totally what is good and right and loving about who we each are. It is time, the dragonfly told me, to take care of me. It is time, the Beetle told me, to get through everything while flying with the greatest of ease (and hell yes even if, like the Japanese Beetle is known to, I run into things that are there in my awareness but still do not avoid them) and to forge forward, no matter what. It is time, the Crows screamed at me, to look the fear of loss in the face and to see the other side of it, which came from the butterfly. It is time, said the hummingbird, to be joyful, not only that you do what you do, but that you enjoy the work and the people, and all of them said the same thing…
…all of them reminded me that Spirit takes care of them, that they eat when they are hungry, sleep safely when they sleep, do what they will, and still go on to the next thing…still, they carry on, and still, they progress. Through each of their own transformation, they told me that I have nothing to fear, that what I need is mine, that what I want is in manifest, that who I am meant as in the lives and times of others, particularly those who are closest to me, is becoming.
Who I am to others is in manifest. Who I was?
Well, that person, while she still exists, is quickly realizing that while transforming one’s life to meld with one’s own soul…yeah…it’s a BITCH to get through, but…again…
Spiritual Divas…we are not made this way…we are born to figure it out and then one day…
…one day we are visited by a Hummingbird, a Japanese Beetle, a noisy damned crow and its friends, a Butterfly in all its glory…
…and a Dragonfly…and one who likes to tell me its secrets….
I Love You All !
What the Dragonfly told me
Screaming, silently, is the song of transformation