You can’t avoid sharks by bleeding in the open ocean
The last few posts have been the sort that explain to the majority of people who are evolving, reasons why it seems like right now there is hurt that seems impenetrable. The truth is really stranger than that – MUCH stranger in that the hurts that we are going through right now are the very lessons that we need to learn. The problem is NOT that we need to learn them but that there are still people in this process of evolution who, for the life of them, still believe that somehow, someone else holds or is the key to them feeling better.
NO ONE BUT YOU holds the keys to your own healing. No one can make what you are feeling go away. You have to be willing to look at it, touch it, feel it, ponder it, all without also upsetting it with assumptions and without being neutral. Even though we need other people to sometimes help us get through things, the bottom line is that we alone are who is meant to be our greatest healer and teacher. There are some people who, for the life of themselves, cannot bear with feeling the greatest pain they have, so they numb themselves with drugs, with other people, with the unholiest things they can find. Now, this is not to say that from time to time we will not have a human moment where the things that we once did we will do again – quite the opposite. It is when we have that epiphany where we are at the bottom of the ocean looking up to the surface and not seeing the light of day that we choose to swim to the top and in some cases, to NOT swim up at all.
The problem is that some people choose to swim injured, and more tend to tempt fate by jumping into the ocean while bleeding and thinking that being attacked by a shark happens only to other people. These are the same types of folks who see the sign that reads “do not mess with the bears” and who willingly run up to a sleeping bear in hopes for a better look at it only to realize that the bear was not asleep and was waiting for them the whole time. It is not until the realization of reality comes along, shakes us up and turns us inside, out, that we begin to understand that when it comes to our healing, we are who our healer should be. Other people guide us, pray for us, share energy with us, but we, alone, are who hold the Kuleana to who we are, all the way down to our Shadow.
The sharks and the bears, so to speak, tend to lend a bit of danger to things, gives it a spark and a rush like nothing else can, and barely escaping with their lives people will court danger and try dearly to make things outside of themselves be what heals them from what ails them. This could be anything, really, from things ingested to things collected – no matter what, the way that we handle our pain can be seen in the way that we do our lives. If you ever have been in the company and the homes of hoarders then you know the idea of covering one’s pain with things that are not needed. Hoarders are very nice people who do not realize that they are addicted to their things and the collection of things for whatever reason they may have. Touch the things that they don’t realize own them and their lives, and you will also know what it is like to walk into the wild, naked and unprepared for a chance meeting with a bear who will, because you are in your natural hide, look like another animal who might even be tasty. Hell, even if you are dressed you are just one more thing that either threatens the bear’s sanctity and well being, the bear’s cubs, the bear, period.
We dare others all the time to not be there for us, and then when the time comes and we have seen that they are evolved to the point where they need to be, and we choose to not do our own work until we have the guarantee that they have changed and now we can, too, is when the bears and the sharks in the ocean that is our own psyche begin to attack. They attack by telling us that we are not good enough for someone else because that someone else told us that they felt how we wanted them to feel about anything at all. Then, when we are told that what we have been saying all along – that they need to stop thinking that it is okay to run naked in the wild when bears are present, screaming and yelling like a crazy person and hoping that it will be enough to stave the bear off, and we find ourselves running as fast as we can away from said creature, we begin to truly know that the truth is the truth and that no matter what we want to believe, just like a shark in the wild or a shark in a tank is still a shark…we will still be that person who, even though we go through the motions, we have not even begun to think in the manner that we need to heal and we need to accept that which we have a hard time accepting.
Take for instance the fact that I do not like saying goodbye, to anyone. I am like this because for the bulk of my life people have, with a swiftness, left my life and me with the feeling of being abandoned. Always the reason that they go, I know now, is because they have growing, evolving and learning to do, and if they are meant to come back to my life, Spirit will make that happen no matter what. Still, though, it is in my brain, from the years and years of the adults in my life when I was a child telling me that I needed to stop being a brat or else no one would want to play with me. Then as a teen, I was told that I was rejected because I would not “put out.” As a married person, was told that I was too stupid to get along in life without someone else making my bills being paid possible and that the reason my friends left me is because I was a stupid bitch and no one wants to be around a stupid woman.
I believed this. Sometimes I still do and it normally takes someone who cares enough, sometimes more than only one someone, to remind me just how loved and accepted and cared about I really am, that all those people who told me that crap are “booger status” anyway and that their problem with me is theirs, not mine. To this day, though, I have issues with being abandoned on every level. It comes from the fact that as a child, on more than only one occasion, I was left out. While this rarely or without apology happened with my father’s side of the family, it happened a lot on the other side, and to this day the only thing that I can hear some of these people telling me is that it was too bad that I missed out and that I should have done this, that or the other in order to be included. This is where a lot of our issues come from, the idea that we were not good enough and more, the fact that no one told us otherwise. As a parent now, though, I am aware that these things happen, but in no way would I ever tell any child that the reason that they were not included is because sometimes adults can be boorish morons without a soul enough to tell the child that they are sorry they are hurt.
This is the part where the bears and the sharks come into play, because as adults those children grow up with those feelings, the very ones that were had as children, and we are placed back there in that time and in that energy and we are made to feel like that again. It was these last few days that taught me a whole lot about that phenomena, and I know that my being upset at all was my own sign that made me think back to being a 7 year old kid, sitting under my grandmother’s dinner table, all the family sitting there too, and it was awful to hear these people say bad things about my dad, just because he is who he is, and more, to have heard about myself that “at least she is pretty because Lord knows she is like her father…can’t think cause she has no brain… at least she will marry because a man cannot resist a pretty face..” Yes…you are right…how awful to hear this being said, and how hard it truly is to have to hear these things even though I don’t bother with those people anymore. The words are what stay. Words are powerful. You heal from bruises, but you never forget what you heard that hurt you the most. This hurt me the most because it told me that I was unacceptable as I was, as I am, and to this day, from time to time, I will go through these emotions.
This is where the big cat in me comes out, teeth and claws bared, daring people to tell me that I am not loved enough and that is why I fear being left alone.
No, the reason that I fear being left alone and with a sense of abandonment is because the adults in my life while I was a child were not too careful when they chose to raise the child who was me in to the jungle cat that I can become if you hurt me. If you hurt me I will come unglued. If you hurt me I will let you know that you have, but also, if you hurt me and you do not realize that you did so and you have the very stomach enough to see it and know it and make it right, then the big cat slinks back into the recesses of the soul, back to the shadows where she rests until needed again. This is what makes me become the me who feels like she needs to protect the child, to mother the little girl who always felt so all alone even though now, I realize that I was not left alone as much as I was simply just good on my own.
No one watches out for the bears and the sharks or the jungle cat in other people, are not really very aware of what inside another person will come creeping out if we are not more mindful of what our reaction would be if we were in their place and wearing their soul. Now, sometimes we wear the souls of others because we share the souls of others, but most of the time when we hurt, it is because someone else brought up within us the energy that we have shoved down into the deepness that is our selves, into the underworld where the sharks are in charge and where the bears are not scared to leave the cave and where the jungle cats hide in the trees in our minds and wait for us to unwittingly walk into what is going to become a big ugly mess.
Human type folks do not realize that not only are we blindly walking into those places that we also fear, but when we are there we have a habit of poking the bears, hand feeding the sharks, and dangling our bloodied selves in front of the hungry jungle cats. We open ourselves to the pain without the thought or the recognition that we are inviting danger to our souls. Sometimes we need to go through a dangerous situation, but most of the time, we walk into them on our own without the thought in our heads that we may come across those things that make these animal spirits within us all come out and see the light that we are. They are threatened by the light, because in the light we see them for what they are, and in the light we are also seen by them. When we are able to confront them and experience the fear we come to also realize how big an imagination that the child within has and we find out that the bear’s shadow was created on the wall of our mind by the light that we are and that it was only a teddy bear. We find out that it was this same shadow bearing thing that also illuminated the big scary cat as being the cat that sleeps on our feet at night, and the shark was merely the goldfish in the bowl on our vanity.
We begin to see through the light that we are the scariest things, are not what they appear to be, are not what they are in actuality. We find that what we thought was scary was simply just the shadow and not the reality that was exposed by the Light.
We find that we are not in the wild, but graciously are placed in the loving arms and care of Spirit, protected by the light emitted, not by anyone else but our very selves. We find out that the bear, the shark and the jungle cat were only those things in our imagination and that we were not the ones poking them but that other people were. We find out through our own lessons, our own shadow, and our own selves that we never needed to fear. And really, sometimes, we need to be glad for the fear, because really, sometimes, it is the fear which shows us our shadow and our way back to who we are…
Who we are is simple –
We are the Light that illuminates and exposes the truth to us…
I Love You All