All the way past tired and back

It is time for a breather, time for us to see where we have been (and more, what we have each evolved to by now…hint…there is no one on this planet who is just like you…)

From time to time we need to take stock of things in our lives and we need to look at every thing that has happened to us to a point where we can only bother to deal with what we can deal with and the rest just has to work itself out. We have so many things happening all at one time right now that to choose one thing to work on, I know, feels like an impossible thing, but it is not impossible. The truth is that we might just be tired, and tired on a level that none of us really was prepared for. The only things that we saw a year ago right now is that there was a lot that had to change, and a lot that we had at our disposal, and a lot that no one was really wanting to go through.

My thought, even though I know that we are all tired, is that it is really just time to let it and everyone who is not in on it with us…time has come to let them go. The reason is that we will just continue to spin our wheels, will continue to just not deal with things in the manner that we need to and will just keep on going around and around in these circles and in this energy that is so not ours anymore, and sometimes, never was ours. We just chose to take it all on as though we were somehow the only one in the game who could make things different for anyone else at all. We never allow ourselves to hurt to the point where it will make a difference for ourselves, where it might be just the thing that we were looking for but were those things in the raw and not all prettied up like we want them to be. We are too willing to not be who we are, too intended upon being someone who we are not, and not even for the betterment of our formerly battered selves, but rather and only so that others will accept us, and accept us not even as we really are.

Well, I will admit to one thing that is the very truth of me, much as I am hopeful that it is also the truth of you, and that one thing is that dearly, I Love Me. Really. I do. You should also Love You. It isn’t a bad thing at all, to Love one’s own self. It took me a very long time to be able to take a look in the mirror, both literally and, of course, in those who are closest to me, and see there that I ain’t so bad after all. No matter what I have been told, and no matter who has said what with the intention only of hurting me so that they do not also have to hurt as much, I know my own truth. I know that I am real. I know that what I have learned to this moment is also the truth and is also real, much as I know anything that I have had the luck of learning from a book.

The things that I have witnessed and have had as my own experience tells me that I am one who deserves this feeling, this knowing that where I am now, at this moment in time, I meant to be. I might not like it, and some of what I see currently in manifest I might not have enough patience to want to think about too much in depth, but it is all there, and all of it tells me that no matter what, I have survived something that too many people survive, and many more who do not. I have been through the wringer and back. I can tell, these days, who is there for me, who is there because of me, who is there and has bad intentions, and who, for real, really truly values and Loves me. Where it was that I thought I would never live with one sort of energy that I thought might be Love, in its place I have been given those who are just like me in many ways, and in all the ways that make us unique, I have been embraced for that special thing, in their eyes, makes me, Me. And they Love me, all of them do. They Love me because I Love Me.

However, it took me some time before I realized the one thing that I never even took notice of in the past. This time around, with these new people, I found out through them that I made it where I am today because I took the chance to go all the way past being tired, and crawled, sorta, all the way back to me, and every bit of that time was worth it all. It was worth it to have my heart broken on more than one occasion and by more than one person, because without those things happening, I might not know that I am worth what it will take for people to want to be in my life. Without these people mirroring who I am, I would not know just how dearly special that I really am, that anyone really is, and without these used-to-be-strangers who very quickly became a huge part of me and my life I would not know who I am. Because of them I know who I am, and more, I also can now believe that I was never ever who I was told that I was, never ever was what I  knew I have never been.

I have always been strong. I have always been talented. I have always been gifted.

I have always been impatient. I have always wanted to trust people, no matter who they are. I have always been more willing to want to believe the lies that I knew were there were the truth because the truth of other people sometimes sucks.

I have always been cooperative, always been compassionate, always, always, always been one with a heart full of Love and a Soul full of Light and a Spirit that was nothing but the realest thing that can be called “Aloha.”

I have always been many, many ways, and I have always been always only me. It is not my fault that there are people on this planet who cannot, for the life of them, deal with me just being me, and further, why are they so bothered by me when they have so much of themselves to pay attention to? Why am I that interesting to people who only want to see what is not there that they want to see there and may even try to place there, but it is not because I make them do it.

I ran all the way past tired and back, and through it all I was Loved, cherished, safe, accepted…just exactly as I am.

I know now that I do not need to wait for people to accept me, do not need to wait for people to Love me.

I am already Loved and Accepted….

Mahalo Nui




About ReverendRoxie22

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