Each of us is scared to death of something, and as odd as it will seem to read the next thing that I state – that we are all afraid to be good at something even though we know that this is the paradox of success in life- most of the time, we fail in our efforts toward wholeness because we do not believe that we will be successful at it. We all crave success, and we don’t realize that once we have the thought in our heads that we will not fail as badly at a thing as we believe we will, we
do not realize that once we make a choice to succeed, the Universe at that very moment conspires with us so that no matter what, if it is with right intent, will cause benefit with a ripple effect which will eventually benefit the entirety of the global family, if it will, for two moments in your lifetime, raise your own vibration and energy level… What you have right then and there is the only pain killer that you have ever needed.
We want to believe that there is more to it than only the weirdness, than only the thing that we wished for, and we want to believe all these people who tell us that manifesting life to be great is effortless – it is SO NOT effortless, and if you are evolved enough to know so, then you also know that no matter what, the effort is worth it all…that healing from within is what is best for us, and that we each have our own ‘drug of choice,’ and that it is up to us to use what is within to be our own Soul’s doctor .
There is pain involved with healing, but also there is the salve of knowing that one day, absolutely, we will heal from the pains which we choose to hang on to. Success for some people is measured in dollar bills and accolades, but there is more to it than only the material part of it. There is also the reality that we will each experience caused by the thing that we choose to call our drug of choice.
This leads us to the question, “What’s your drug of choice?” For me, it has always been art, particularly dance, particularly hula…what is your drug of choice, the one that you do a lot of when speaking in terms of your own Soul’s Medicine?
“Physician, Heal Thyself,” is a biblical verse which has stayed with me since I was a child. The idea that we are not able to do for ourselves what we want to believe others can is ridiculous. Sure, we might need help with it- I know that I needed help with it, and I got it, but on the whole, that which has happened to us can never rule us. We know when it is something that we cannot handle all by ourselves, and if we are wise we seek out others to help get us through the things that we cannot or do not or simply refuse to understand. Anytime that there is truth involved, namely when it is our own truth, there will always be some energy of resistance. This is because we have been taught to accept things that are not our own, and we have been shown someone else’s way toward the ultimate goal of healing and wellness. No one tells us what we find out all on our own – that we alone are strong enough to be our own spiritual physician.
We alone, even when we need some assistance, are who makes our healing possible.
“What’s your drug of choice? (Well, what have you got?)” (Alice in Chains, “Junkhead.” 1996)
What, indeed, is your Soul’s healing drug of choice? What is the way that you have always known to use that would make your temporary hurt feel better, would allow you to have a choice – to hurt, or not to hurt? What is it that you have, with the help of your soul’s pleas to do something, done in order to fix that which has always plagued your soul? It is right there, right inside of you, the unique ability to heal your life. I cannot lie – it is not easy. It will not lie – it will hurt, a lot. And of course, I will never tell a person that it will be without obstacles, the healing which a lot of us chase but do not realize that we are only chasing what belongs to someone else when we seek to heal from the outside.
This is the problem with human beings, at least a lot of us – we do not want to hurt from the same old stuff that we want to no longer hurt from, but we are too scared to no longer have an issue to feel badly about, because for the most part, that is what we think is the truth of us. We think and believe that we are supposed to hurt, that we are supposed to elevate to some strange level of piety through suffering. We believe that we are supposed to be in pain, always, and we believe that if we are not hurting while someone else is, that we are somehow evil or heartless. My opinion is that we are being evil and heartless to ourselves if we are more inclined to martyr ourselves, to slay the dragons for other people without seeing that our own dragons are tired of being the scary thing in our lives. We are more inclined to let our egos make us believe that if we do not save someone else from their own pain and their own dragons that we are not good people, that we are not loving souls.
What do you do to help yourself feel better about anything? Do you prefer to blame it on everything outside of you, or are you more willing to look at the things that you see in other people as also being alive within you? Are you willing to point it out and then take it apart with others and not with yourself? Are you willing to recognize things in other people and also know that while you point your finger at them that you are giving yourself your own referral to a specialist who you do not realize is you? We are, as a whole, addicted to our own arrogance. In the thoughts which we think about other people are also there the things which are prevalent in our own lives. When we see that another person is insecure, and we voice it, we are, at that time, diagnosing what is our very own “trip.”
Yet, again, most of us are way too arrogant to see it at face value, too egotistical to think that we are what we see in others. This is where our pain comes from. This is where the “Little You,” also known as “The Child Within,” are at odds with each other. When we hurt, it stems from a place that we have been, over and over again, and the first thought we think is NOT about what we can do for ourselves and by ourselves to make our hurts no longer be. Our first thought is to that very time in our lives many years ago when we first felt that sting of rejection, the hurt caused by another’s judgment on us, the pulsating anger released through the ferreting out of our very young selves by someone in our lives who, unless they, too, were young like we were, knew better but allowed their arrogance and their ego to be who was the best judge of you. And it stuck….the pain, it stuck, with all of us, and too many of us have chosen without recognizing so, that what it is that we see in others is bad enough for us to have an opinion about and more, to voice it.
Lemme tell you this one thing – the opinion of someone else about who we are for real is never the permanent reality. Allowing an old hurt to have any sort of importance in our lives that we are not willing to change is our fault, but that someone else would be creepy enough to continually bring it up is their fault. How we handle the way that we heal from that energy is up to us and only us. We cannot expect the person who administered the disease to also be the one to heal us, because they are not able to see past their own arrogance and know that the one person who can and should heal them IS them, much as who we should know and believe is capable of healing us is our very self.
Sometimes the drug of choice for someone else is to pick on someone who they deem is somehow weaker than they are, but this is a non-truth, is something that you are not obligated to believe as YOUR truth, ever. Not even when it is technically true does it have to remain that way. We are able to change who we are by learning to believe our own truths.
It is the constant lesson that we will willingly teach ourselves about our own truths. Our medicine is not contained within a bottle, not contained within anything that is physical until we bring it out into the physical world. For some people it is the artist within who releases the demons and the closeted skeletons, and for others, is the actuality of substances which no one hurting should administer to themselves. For some it is dance, and others, music, and still others, the slow and constant loveliness that is poetry.
No matter what it is, we all have a method by which we go when speaking in terms of our own ability to heal our lives. We each have a magic within us that tells us that who we are is enough to make it through the days and nights. We know without being told, at least a lot of us do, that we are all the drug of choice we need. We are who comes up with the way to feel better, and eventually it becomes second nature for us to turn to that one thing, no matter what it is, that helps us along the Path to enlightenment. While I will not ever condone the ingestion of things that are temporary fixes to problems that have been labeled as permanently ours (by us even! Can you beat that?), I will never tell any other human being that who they are is not enough for them to know for sure that whatever it was that someone told them, or you, or anyone, really, was not the truth of them. It was not the truth of them, or you, or me, or anyone, because it was never our truth to begin with.
The next time you see something in someone else that you feel the need to say something about, say it to yourself. Say it to yourself because only in the healing of that thing within YOU will you be able to better understand the complexity of how anyone else got to where they are on their own. Say it to you because it will be the thing that you see in someone else that also plagues your own life, and say it to you so that you can finally forgive yourself for believing what you did not have to believe about you until you were able to see it in someone else. Say it to you because you own you, and say it to you because in saying it to you, you finally get to work on that one thing that maybe has been the truth told to you by someone else but is now a truth which no longer applies.
Say it to you, because if you continue to see what is in you as also being something in someone else, and you continue to point it out, and you allow it to continue to be the one thing that you always only recognize, pretty soon, you will be the only one around TO say it to.
Don’t forget this!
I LOVE YOU ALL !