It all begins with you

Everyone wants change to happen. Change doesn’t just happen.

Change doesn’t just happen. It has to be cultivated, and it has to be thought out, and it has to be able to become real. A whole lot of people just think that when they change their mind that it is so very simple to just go with it. This is not the truth. The truth is that in order for us to go from our darkness and toward our light and getting there guided by the Light within, there needs to be some work going on, and that work has to start on the inside. To change anything at all takes time, because what we are dealing with everyday is a fluctuation in the things that we believe. Change is not easy. Change takes work and change takes time and change takes everything within us each to believe that there is something better for us that will come to us and through us. Without our involvement, we will only want change to happen. In order for change to happen, we have to do what it takes to make it that way.

We have to start with our thought process.

While it is the truth that more and more people are beginning to take notice of the thoughts that they think having everything to do with what they perceive to be the world in which they themselves both live and have created, what is also true is that the people in our lives who seem to be having the hardest time with life in general and who are bitching about it all the time are the very people for whom this is written. To those people who want change to happen TO them, well, y’all are waiting for God to come knockin’ on your door like so many evangelists annoyingly do far more than anyone needs to know their version of the word of God.

You have to actively want to have things better for you, and as much as you want the changes to happen to you is as much you also have to think that all the work that you are going to do is worth it. Change is not easy. Change means, to a lot of people, that we are just not right. To believe that we even need to change anything about ourselves is, again, for some people, akin to telling ourselves that there is something essentially wrong with who we are. There is nothing wrong with anyone. There is only the stagnant nature that is the will of the Ego prodding us to remain in our comfort zone and hope and pray that change will visit us. If that isn’t enough, a lot of people also believe that good change only happens for lucky people.

Of course, then there are those ones who seem to believe that they are somehow owed by Spirit the things in life that they want so bad. These are the people who are the abusers in our midst. These are the ones who live their lives with their arrogance plainly seen by the very world and these are the people who believe that who they are is the greatest example of what everyone else on the planet would like to be like, and if they don’t want to be like them then there is something wrong with everyone. else. These are the types who we see in government who refuse to let go of a woman’s right to choose what is best for her life and her body, and these are the types who feel like they have to put anyone at all in their place, just because putting someone else in whatever it is that the overblown morons seem to believe is the only right way to do anything, think anything, be anything.

These very people, the ones whom I have described in the paragraph above this…these are the ones who are the most fearful, because these are the ones who believe that they know what is best for everyone because they happen to know what is most comfortable and appealing to them. When someone feels like they have to maintain control over anyone else it means that they are afraid, and they will, even knowingly, make other people afraid to think for themselves, will make a person hurt for wanting to be who they are. This happens everyday to a whole lot of people, and there is an entire population of people who are on the receiving end of those ways who are, for the life of them, caught between a rock and a hard place. Abusers are people who hurt, dearly, and are people who never believed that there was anything about themselves that needed or need to be addressed, and these are the very ones who go through life fearing anything different, new, and more, anything which will render them no longer in control of someone else.

The thing about this, though, is that what these abusers are not realizing is that not only are they scared of everything, but by their very own actions based in fear and manifested as control of others, are completely out of control.

Completely OUT of CONTROL !

There is not one single survivor of DV who will not agree with me when I say that when someone feels like they need to control someone else, the person who needs to have that control is completely OUT of their mind. Parasitic people who believe that what is someone else’s is also theirs to take are out of control because when they were growing up, someone else had control over their lives, and they didn’t like it. Yet, even though they know what they went through with the people who were bad to them, some of them, in order to feel some sort of normalcy that is the most abnormal sense of normal that any one person could believe it to be, take control over someone else.

Parents are phenomenal at control, namely the very strictly religious parents, as well as the “I will live vicariously through my kids because I didn’t live my life the way I wanted to and I still don’t because my own parents are still controlling my life and my every thought” sort of parents. When we as parents do not allow, within certain reason, our own children to make their own choices, to think their own thoughts, to choose what they will and will not believe, even if that means what they believe is not the same as what we believe, we end up stifling their Spiritual growth, end up harming their souls in the long run, because when we have to have control over everything that they feel, think, are, will do, whatever, it means that we are still, somehow, under control of our own parents. When we try to make right the wrongs that were done to us as children, and we choose to follow the same pattern that our parents showed us, and we impart that mark on the soul without regard for the human being they are meant to become.

When we show little regard for the children who we bring into this lifetime, and we deal them the same hand of cards from essentially the same deck our hand in life was drawn from, we are paving the way for those children to do as we do rather than to do what it is that comes most natural to them or to anyone else for that matter – the natural ability to simply be who they are for real. As parents we haven’t the right to ruin them, to make them feel unworthy as they are. This is what telling people what to do, and what trying to keep others under our thumb causes them – a very real feeling of not being good enough and a feeling that the person has that tells them that even in their own skin they are not right.

It is a judgment on us when someone else criticizes us, a ding to the heart and a marring of the pride in who we each are. If we are told that we must be one way and that if we do not remain that way, the person who tells us this threatens to take away the thing that all abuse victims and survivors crave, want, and the one thing that all humans need – Love, of others, for others, of ourselves and for ourselves. Telling other people that they have to not grow and not be who they really are so that we can feel better about who we are not is the most common and very much the harshest kind of abuse there is, because it is abusing the Self within that takes place. And the Self is who needs to grow, and if the Self cannot grow or more than that, is manipulated in to believing, through the ego of the person who is being abused, not allowed to grow because of false boundaries and a conditional and violent nature of the “love” from the abuser, then surely, the Self will become crippled.

We were meant to be different, meant to like things that are not the same as everyone else, and we were meant to also change and grow and become the best version of who we each are, to not remain safe and secure in the false notion that if we choose to change to better our own lives, we are somehow not good enough for ourselves, because we want to change, and this makes our abusers manipulate that one thing in us so that they can maintain control over our lives. If we choose instead to follow the whims of the warrior within whose only mission in this lifetime for you, the body on the outside, is the growth that you are meant to experience, we find out through the pain and the hurt that on the other side of all the tears is the ocean called freedom, of choice, of will, of self, of soul, of Life.

And these are the gifts which we are offered in exchange for the false sense of security that comes with the promises made to us when things are rosy, when things are tolerable by any measure at all, and when the person or people in our lives who deem acceptable the reigning in of the Self so as to not impede their goal of never allowing anyone else to become the best version of who they are, simply and only because the abusers of the world fear everything.

Of course, the one thing that is scariest to someone who is afraid of not being all that they tell everyone else on the planet they are- no matter what it is – is that other people will know that while they are scary on the outside, on the inside they afraid to grow, afraid to change, because ultimately, they are afraid that who they really are in the Soul, no one will Love. Let me make this much clear…you can only be truly Loved by everyone else when you can truly Love Yourself. These abusers fear Loving others completely, because they do not understand, will reject, do not believe that it all begins with them. It all begins with Love of Self.

That one thing that all abusers are is afraid of being found out, afraid of other people no longer fearing them, no longer living in the shadow that is the evidence of another’s own inner demons constantly giving them the idea that without someone in their lives to reign control over, they have no proof of their power. The other thing that they are deadly afraid of is the scariest thing of all to them…

…that you will have proof not only of their lack of control and power over themselves, as well as proof of the overflowing dearth of power and control that the person who they told and believed to be weaker than they are actually possesses and actually always has had.

You are more powerful than you know, than you believe you are. You have the power to control the world that you call your own.

It all begins with you!


Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Healing with Hula Program for Women and the Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui – The Sisterhood of The Soul. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer , Public Speaker, Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse Survivors Advocate and Spiritual Coach. If you would like to contact her for speaking engagements, Spiritual Consultations, or for anything else, please send an email to 
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

About ReverendRoxie22

Visit my website! View all posts by ReverendRoxie22

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: