Dear Other Clergy – ‘Auhea Wale Ana ‘Oe – PAY ATTENTION
Ministers. We are a strange lot, we are. Most of us work in two worlds…the Physical and the Spiritual. Since it is that I know this is the truth of us, at least the most of us, that is, what I also know is that there are still a whole lot of us – especially those of us who are specifically and only in the business of marrying two souls together – who dearly need to get a damned clue already. Yeah…I said it, now deal with it.
Deal with it. Deal with it because it is our job to deal with the ugliest of the ugliest in our midst, and deal with it because you are doing a great job at making money off the wedding services you are providing, but you are doing a lousy job at keeping people safe and informed. As Clergy it is our duty to put into the heads of the marrying folk of the planet that enough is enough, that there is no place for violence in marriage, and that there is no place for violence in the home, and that there is no place at ALL for violence in the lives of children. If you think kids are not affected by the things that they see and that they hear then you are really NOT thinking at all. This is the thing that makes me the angriest with these people who are ONLY “wedding officiants.”
My thought is that while it is very easy to become ordained, and easy to know the laws and rules as they apply to the technical aspects of marrying two people together, it is not easy to wear the color of the cloth for real and for true and there are a whole lot of people running around pimping out their wedding services and not a lot else, leaving the after part that can and sometimes DOES happen, int he hands of the community which these two people come from.
We have a duty to the communities we live in, and that duty includes having a clue and giving a clue about how to BE a community, and you “clergy” who are in it for the money only have failed, miserably, and the best part about that part is that you have left the rest of us who have that same sort of ordination the mess that you helped make…you leave that part for us..the ones who had no time or desire to allow themselves the pomp and circumstance it takes for a ‘real’ church to want your services. Some of us ordained folk decided that we needed no building, that the streets and the hearts and minds of the world…THAT is where our churches are and we are dearly pissed off at YOU!
We are DEARLY PISSED OFF AT YOU!
You can get butt-hurt all you want, but the fact remains that you are sorely missing your opportunity to make right what can go terribly wrong. That book you like to tell others how to live from, while I do not refer to it a whole lot these days, I have a great deal of respect for it, and you have failed your charges miserably if you have chosen to NOT be Christic in your thoughts and actions, and you have allowed violence into the lives of innocent children. You have turned what was a Sacred and Divine Union into nothing more than another pay day for you, and you have not regarded in this madness the children which are left in the wake of the storm.
You can help prevent this. You can do more than just get a rise out of being the person in charge of the rest of the life of two people, and you can think about what their future might look like if you do not realize that in front of you is a 50-50 chance at that bride and the children she either brings with her into the union or the children who they bring into it together being hurt, physically, damned surely emotionally, or worse, you may have signed their death warrant, and all because you could NOT see past your ego, your arrogance, your payday.
Children are being hurt, physically, and women are dying, daily, and these things are happening at the hands of the person who helped put in charge of that household the moment that your pen hit that signature line on that legal document that melded these people together “until death do us part,” and yeah, I am calling you out. I am calling you out, not only on behalf of the beautiful brides who ultimately became the target of verbal abuse but also physical abuse. I am calling you out on behalf of all those step-children who are being tortured because someone in the marriage that you legalized through your solemnization and your signature DID NOT DO ENOUGH BEFORE YOU GOT PAID!
That’s right…I SAID IT…now DEAL WITH IT!
You are not better than the merchants who Christ blew up on when said merchants were selling their wares on the Sabbath. You are not better than those preachers who have a person in the congregation “finding” someone with an ailment that you can “heal” in exchange of a few silver coins. You are not better than the people who create ponzi schemes, and you are not better than the last CEO of the last conglomerate church that was found to be hiding the abuses to women, that was found to NOT be addressing the sin of abuse and control and disrespect in marriage, and you are not better than the people who you look down on from your ivory tower in hopes that you will be able to intimidate us with your great big R-E-V. status and I want you to know NOW that you are not better than me.
You might think that because you wear that nice suit on Sunday that somehow your piety is tied to the tag in the collar that reads “Oscar” or “Vera” or “Chanel”, but the tag in mine reads “Metal Mullisha” and I buy my things at the thrift store. You have the right to marry people, but you do not have the balls to make sure that these women are safe, and the bitch of it all is that a WHOLE LOT OF THOSE TO WHOM I AM ADDRESSING THIS ARE WOMEN!!
Where is the mom in you? Where is the part of you that does not want to see kids hurt, and more, where is that part of you that feels like you have a duty, a kuleana to these people, yes, even AFTER you have performed your “magic” ? Where is that part of you that wants to do more in the community and where the hell is it that you keep your compassion?
Ahhh…there, I see it…you keep it there, next to your bank statement, because that is truly where your heart is, is where your treasure lies….
Mine? Mine lies with the future being one that is less violent, where there are happy children who live in happy homes where violence does not exist. This is the scenario that, ultimately, we want to see, but the longer you people take in getting the balls to talk to your charges BEFORE they sign that check for wedding services and do so without the idea that you might lose them and their money if you say something to them that might be construed as you telling them it will happen. If you are good enough to be “Of Spirit” and worthy of the title “Reverend,” then you ought to be out there NOT doing like so many “Good people of the cloth” (without naming any religion you already know where I am going with this) have done and OPEN YOUR EYES AND YOUR MOUTH and most of all YOUR HEART AND SOUL and LET YOUR PEOPLE KNOW THAT THIS CANNOT GO ON!
If you are at a loss for words, send me some of that “hard earned” (yeah right…more like swindled) money to me and I will teach you how to talk to people so there is less chance that those two who you are giving the truth to do not run like hell in opposite direction of each other. That you think I am foolish enough to NOT know that you are protecting your payday is one thing, but to say nothing and sanction the abuse by not telling them it could happen…that is another thing altogether and one that tells me that you are not worthy to even be INSIDE of a church, let alone running ANY kind of ministry.
GET A F*CKING CLUE ALREADY !!!
Violence and Love do not mix…we are not all “Sid and Nancy..” and you are not the freakin’ rockstar reverend you think you are….note that I said “think”…it is that thing you do with that thing that is sitting on your shoulders at the top of your neck that is not supposed to get as swelled as has yours.
You are responsible for giving people a clue. You are responsible for putting their lives above your paycheck.
This is what we are called to do. It is people…reverend people…like you…who make me tout the benefits, in some cases, of a Justice of the Peace…that guy doesn’t expect you to make promises before God that at least one person who is saying “I Do” has no intent on keeping.
I said it…all of it…hate me if you want to, but this is the truth…so deal with it already….
I LOVE YOU ALL
To contact Rev. Roxanne K. Cottell, please click here. Visit and Like The Sisterhood of The Soul’s Facebook Page. Please visit our website, and also our partnering ministry, Kindred Souls of The South facebook page and also The rev. Vel-Danielle Gambrell’s official Kindred Website. Sign our Petition to raise awareness about Domestic Violence. Please, click on the picture of the little hula girl and donate to our “Speaking Out Against Domestic Violence” Campaign to raise awareness through a 30 second ad-spot to be broadcast during Projectindependent.net’s metal showcase for indie music.