No matter what, all of us needs a little hand up from time to time
Every single one of us has had the experience of something that we did on our own being done to completion and to the best of our own abilities. We have all had times in our lives when we were working on something by ourselves and the end result came out better than we thought it would, and this is especially true for those of us who have been told for the bulk of our lives that we did a good job, but….
It is a slap to the face of our own achievements when we know we are good at what we do and when it is that we know that the projects we are working on are just like the ones that we have worked on in the past, and this time, it seems like something is just not right. We look and look and look at what we have done, and on the face of things what we accomplished looks right but there is something missing. Some of us will look to our peers for their opinion, but there are others of us who prefer to not, and it is because of our ego, our pride, and most of all, because of that part of us within us that has not yet been fully parented to the point that we can deal with the things that come with that energy that makes us feel like we are a little kid again. And that little kid again feeling is not a mistake – truly, when we think about it and looked at the issue at hand and pondered the way that we have handled such a thing in the past, and when that thing and the outcome of it all leaves us wanting for more, this is when the child within begins to have a tantrum, or begins to have their feelings hurt, begins to think and believe that we are not good enough.
It is the petulant child within who keeps us wearing our rose colored glasses, and it is the crying child within who wants to please everyone and make things right, and at the same time, it is the child within who, even as they know it is wrong to, has a big fat ugly tantrum and not because of anything more than frustration, and that is where frustration is borne – within. In fact everything starts there, because that is where our creative nature is – within us and squarely in the hands of the child within us. The child within us is that part of us that is vulnerable, that still has an imagination, still hurts from the old hurts that were brought to us when we were really a little child, and still feels like they must defend themselves against the world, and sometimes, even ourselves.
The child within behaves like a child because somewhere in the course of our lives, we were hurt, our feelings not thought about, and no one made it right. When we are little kids, we don’t know or believe that people are bad unless we have been shown so. The first time that one of our adults does or says something to us that is hurtful, we do not forget. We hurt and we are in pain from it, and it stay with us for a long time until one day we realize that whatever was said or done cannot be undone, that we cannot go backwards, and that all we can do is take from that energy the lesson that was not apparent until now, when we are adults and in our lives, whether it is our work life or our private life, that one part of us that never was acknowledged behaves like a tiny little version of ourselves. My tiny little version of me who has a big mouth, who can throw way gnarlycoolbitchen tantrums, who is prone to trying to one up other people no longer has these issues, at least not as prominently as I did in the past, even as recent as a year ago to the date.
As I recall the events, all of the things that I have done for myself this past one year, all of the things that I have gladly, cheerfully and willingly done for the people in my life, I find that even though there were things that I got through all by myself, there were other, bigger and more important things that I got through, other things that I really wanted to do as far as my life as a Spiritual Coach were concerned, my life as a music promoter, author, speaker, whatever…my life with me as all the little parts that I play everyday of my life that would not have happened had I not both realized and accepted that while I knew that I could do things on my own, there will always be those times in my life, in all of our lives, that we cannot do it on our own.
Sometimes, we need to call on our Tribal Ohana…
Sometimes, we need other people’s help. There is nothing that anyone can tell me that tells me otherwise. When we have big dreams and big goals, while it is that the right and the ability to say “I did it all on my own, ” is a wonderful thought indeed, the reality is that the bigger the dream, the bigger the amount of help we need to seek out. And we will always be sent help. If we are pure in our intentions, and we want to do what it is that we want and what we want benefits the greater good of the whole, helps with the intention becoming manifest, and most of all, helps to teach the lesson that we are meant to learn, Spirit will not NOT help us in the form of the right people, put in place at the right time, and at that point when we see it all gelling together in our minds the way that we can also physically see it all gelling in our reality, we know for sure that all that time we spent trying to prove that we didn’t need anyone and we went ahead and took the help offered us that had we just thought about the largess of the dream, thought about all the technicalities and legalities and all of the other things that we don’t bother with anyway, and if we accepted the fact that maybe our own lives are too busy for us to make this happen all on our own, we might not be in the messes that we find ourselves in more than we care to.
Sometimes, we need to call on our Tribe, on our Ohana, and sometimes, if we do so with a heart filled with joy for the task at hand, with a Spirit that is joyful at the idea that we are creating something grand and gorgeous and way way cool, not only for us, but for everyone else, too, we find out that even as it is great to take credit, it was not the credit, not the outcome, only, but the journey there. In each of our lives, and even as we do not travel our Paths alone, it is the journey which each we are on which matters. Contained within all of those things that irritate us, that make us nutty, that we form a harsh opinion of, we find out who our Tribe is, who are our Ohana, and when it is that we have taken a little bit of guidance of our own ‘Aumakua, when we are more able to deal with our own human being-ness, and when it is that we are willing to allow Spirit in so that we can let doubt, out, this is literally when the fun starts.
I hear that it is not fun trying to be in control of everything, and these days anymore I can say that I would not know what it is like to be in control of every little thing around me. That takes up too much time, too much precious Soul energy, and mostly, it takes away the fun element of anything at all. Trying to be in control of everything, just so that we can take credit for it all only mars our souls because it is not the Soul within us all that is needy for the props and the pat on the back, but more, it is the ego, the part of us that tells us that we need to do something about what someone else said, and it is that part of us that tells us that whatever someone else did, we can do better, and it is that measure of control that we do not have that compels us to have control in another way that makes it seem as though all those years, everyone else was right. Everyone else was right when they told us that in order to compete, we need to live up to a set of standards and rules that we ourselves did not create. Then one day, after all of our hard work and our blood, our sweat, our tears, went into a project that looked complete but didn’t seem that way, we chose to think on our own behalf.
We went outside of the bounds of the Ego, addressed the child within, embraced the child and shunned the Ego, and found out that we were safe and Loved the whole time, and that it is not a bad thing to call on our Tribe for help.
When we find that we are good on our own but that with the help of others, while never saying or believing that we were too weak or stupid to do it all on our own, that we can be better with the help of those whose Love for us is as big as is the project at hand, Life becomes like that famous box of chocolates…you never know what you will get until you try .
So try. It won’t hurt. I promise.
Your family, friends and coworkers will gladly add to the Love…
Aloha Oukou…I Love You All!!
Rev. Roxanne K. Cottell is a book author, healer, Spiritual Consultant. She is a public speaker who advocates for victims and survivors of domestic violence and emotional abuse. She is the Co-founder of The Sisterhood of the Soul and the creator of the Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui healing with hula program. To contact her regarding booking speaking engagements, to inquire about writing for you or for creative coaching sessions for business, “Corporate Soul Coaching” or for guidance to any of the Fires of Life issues, please contact her via email by clicking here
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell . All rights reserved