…yeah…what about YOU?
All of us were taught from a very young age to be kind to others, to do for others, and to be there no matter what. Yet, there comes a time when, in all of our lives, we need to just do like I have been saying for a long, long time – “to grab your hali’i and just chill.” But we as a whole were never taught to just chill. Instead we were trained to believe that it is a lazy person who takes the day off and that it is the lazy AND selfish person who does so – takes the day off, no, not from living but from living for the idea that we are here specifically to do good things for other people and never believing that we also need for ourselves to do good things for us – are you not also human?
Last time I checked….
Last time we all checked…
Think right now about the last time that you offered to do something for someone else…ask yourself who exactly that action was being taken on behalf of. Refresh your own memory and think really hard about the thought that was in your head at the very moment you decided that whatever it was that you were doing was being done out of the kindness of your heart and soul, and then ask yourself why it is that each time you think about that one thing, you end up feeling dragged down and tired. I will tell you why in a minute, and yes, absolutely, it has everything to do with that emotional line of credit you keep extending to you, but it is not really for you, and when anyone is willing to go into any kind of debt, always, always, always, the risk must be dealt with not only because of what we stand to lose through that line of credit, but more, what we are not putting ourselves into emotional debt for on behalf of ourselves. This is not saying that you need to go above and beyond what is normal, but this is what I witness a whole lot of us human type folks doing.
We extend more to others without thinking that maybe we need to be as kind to our own Self as much as we are willing for others, and a lot of it is all because of what we learned as children. What we learned as children is and always has been open to scrutiny as we grow, is always open to a little bit of modification because the truth is that what applied when we were children will not technically and mechanically apply as adults even though, paradoxically, it totally applies. The way it was all taught to us is different than the way that we each learned each lesson, and the way that we carried out that knowledge (which stayed as Knowledge and did not become Wisdom until much later) was through trial and error. Through trial and error we also find out just how far our ego is willing to let us keep going before we find out that we are at the very beginning of a circle that we created, a long, long time ago, before anyone including ourselves was old enough to vote, and that while some of the circles meet fully and surprisingly awesome, there are those circles where even while we do not know it, see it or believe it, we have overextended that emotional line of credit.
I see a lot of us extending our graciousness without ourselves in mind, and yes, there are people who do things out of the very kindness of their hearts and souls, and these are the people about whom those like me who teach Soul Healing to others worry the most, because these sorts do not realize that they are not doing anything for themselves in a spiritual sense when they extend and expend themselves to the furthest degree they can, and more, they do not realize the detriment caused to their very selves when they do this. We all do this, and more often than not it takes someone else with the eyes which see the remnants of the Soul to reach on in and retrieve for them the truth that is “Hey man…it is great that you love so many people so, so much…but what about you? What have you done for yourself today? Why have you not given YOU the breaks and the credit that you are willing to extend to other people, and why is it that you are not putting at least a little bit of yourself aside for yourself?”
A Little Bit for Your Self
Referring back to the truth that we were all taught to do for others, to do unto others, to give up more than we need to, so that we could feel better and know that we did something selflessly for someone else, the onus in this thinking is that we really need to be selfless and without thoughts for ourselves that we need as much Love and care as does anyone on this earth does, and more than we know and care to think, we end up at a deficit, hurting inside, and most of the time it is due to a lack of communication.
By a lack of communication, it is not only the actual non-verbalized communication, but the clarity with which we all try hard to strive to achieve. It is frustrating when we ask for the issue to be fleshed out, and then when we still cannot understand or wrap our minds around the longer, scenic route version of the issue, we get upset, and it is when we get upset that we really need to stop ourselves quickly, take a step or two backward in our minds, just for a moment, peruse the thoughts there about the thing at hand and seek out the thing that is making us crazy. When we locate it, normally, it is not even what we first thought it would be and is usually comprised of more than only one “thing” that we ourselves might not even understand, even though, ethereally, we asked for that one specific thing. The understanding of that one thing, however, is a completely different animal all together.
If it is that a certain energy or situation has invaded or remains to invade your life at present moment, it is very simple – it needs some attention.
It needs some attention
When an issue needs some attention, it is not that we are not able to deal with it, but more that we are not prepared to look at it, let alone deal with it. The reason that we prefer not to look at it is not because of anything other than that the amount of work on the Self is needed is huge in our eyes, and we do not like working on ourselves, because that means that what we cannot see what others can see and that which frustrates and confuses us the very most is also the very thing in our lives that we need to give some attention to. When other people come into our lives we are given a mirror and somewhat of a clue as to the things that invade us daily, and those things are brought to us through other people. We are each others’ mirrors, and what we see in our mirrors can never lie to us – we have to be willing to eat it all- the good, the bad and of course, the ugly, and deal with it and not have to never have the option to NOT deal with it.
This is where the challenge lies, folks – not in the saying or even the acknowledgement of a thing, but in the thought that we alone are who needs to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. It is a challenge for our minds to take in, absorb, think about, and of course, believe that who we are, in a few ways, is not everyone’s most favorite flavor, so to speak, and who we are in relation to who other people are is not controlled by us and will never be controlled by us, and this in and of itself is a challenge to accept. When we think about our having a particular way of being or belief about us, and we believe that no one else will take us as being serious about a thing – this is when, and yeah – I AM telling you this so that you will be able to recognize it and go within to fix it – we really, dearly need to think about the actions which followed the words we spoke. Words are very powerful. Words have changed the lives of millions of people all within the strum of an accompanying guitar, the prose which is contained in a handwritten letter, the characters on the screen in front of you. All these things are methods of words being communicated, of energy being sent out and if the words and energy all fit nicely, the end result which is hopefully the thing that we needed so that our lives will not be so, so itchy in the brain anymore, or at least less than previously.
The End Result is really a beginning
When we are able to think differently about a thing than we have in the past, and when we can accept that this new thought is likely the best way to think about a thing, this is when the ease of weight on our shoulders begins to lift. It is almost as though we have been given a new toy by thinking new thoughts. And really, they are not new thoughts, but rather thoughts that have been reworded and thoughts that make us want to try a new way of being, so as not to go through the pain of it all again and again. When we are willing to only see from our own eyes, the benefits included in hopefully helping other people becomes void because the reality is not that we did anything for others so as to look good ourselves, but because we expected the outcome we saw in our heads as being the only one that would happen. We did not leave open the idea or the possibility that maybe Spirit has a better idea and that yes, some of the work that we have to do is not the accepting that others will feel differently, but that we might not.
When we do things for the benefit of others, and only others, and we think that we are doing it for anything other than that, and we find ourselves jacked up at the end of it all, it is our Kuleana, our responsibility to our very selves, to see to it that we have no reason for that same pain to revisit our lives anymore without our inviting it in. Anger is pain caused by hurt, and hurt detriments into whatever is the energy of the moment, which is another reason that I am always telling people to be careful of the words they speak and write, because those words are more powerful than any one of us knows, and the power is all ours – this is the part that we do not understand. We do not understand the power of our own words as they land into the ears of others, and we have no idea how to clarify ourselves once something has been misread. Unclear thinking makes things difficult and when situations are already difficult, and we see what we see and hear what we hear, we must think to ourselves how we might make it so that we will not see these things, these happenings in a way and from the point of view of others only. We have to also include ourselves.
All Truths apply to all people. People hurt, and people do foolish things, say foolish things, have foolish thoughts, and through it all, we usually forgive, even though we do not forget, the pain caused in us but not really meant to be something hurtful, even though in our intention was pure and was intended to help another person through their own stuff. When we are asking for peace and forgiveness, we are more prone to do what we think others need, and so we proceed, again, to follow our own thought and perhaps even starting the new cycle with the old situation that keeps coming back again and again. If you feel like you have been running and going no where, check yourself.
Think about this for a minute and maybe it will clarify for you a little more the gist of this writing…
If these truths apply to other human beings, Loves, why would they not also be the truth of you?
Aloha Oukou….I Love You All !!
Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved