Mirror, mirror…our Kuleana about our own "stuff"

Heart ache can be crippling 

Heart ache is part of Life. We can do nothing to avoid it. We can expect to have our hearts broken again and again, and for the most part, almost all of us will choose to sit in that energy until something outside of us comes along to comfort us. The thing about things outside of ourselves, and this includes the things and energies which we find in other people when we are in the middle of our heart ache, is that they are not there forever.

We are the Savior we are each looking for

We don’t know it when we meet them, but the people who come into our lives are meant to be there and with a good purpose, or they are there to bring to us the “study materials” that we need for the lessons at hand. Many times, I know, I have not been the only one to bring to the material world for people who need to know it, that thought that is my own opinion that they need to see, not for anything other than that it is the Truth, and the Truth, at least out of me, is not something that I readily reveal for people. The Truth revealed is not mine to reveal but everyone else’s to discover.

The Truth revealed, usually, is not what the most of us want to know, want to see, want to hear, want to know, but it is something that we cannot avoid. We can fear it. We can choose to ignore it, even when we know that ignoring it is not the thing that we need to do. Normally, the Truth hurts. That it hurts is one thing, but that we are more willing to look away from it, more willing to think of other things that we know will not change things for us at all is quite another. We keep believing that maybe there is a small glimmer of anything resembling hope for the outcome that we want, pursuing only the outcome we want to see that we have created in our own heads, and without the idea and the absoluteness that is also the will of others, if it so applies.

And we try  dearly to not have to look at the Truth that hurts us, and the more we avoid it the more it is in our faces like so many petulant children. The Truth, as I know it to be, is not made up of all the fancifulness and all of things that we tell ourselves are the things that we want to have as our Truth, even though our soul tells us to run the other way – fast.

We avoid our Truth and ignore the thing that keeps telling us what we need to hear and to know, and we want so badly to manipulate it all into the thing that we are wishing it will be, when in fact and indeed, we know, for sure, that it will never be what we envisioned. As well, it should not be, because if we got everything that we think we want, we would be a different sort of heart broken, and that different sort comes with all kinds of Karmic imbalance that we have to balance out prior to our heart being no longer broken.

The things that we do in order to make the hurt leave us usually only leaves us with more hurting, and that is what we are tying to get through – the hurt. We don’t realize we are just hurting ourselves more when we try to push it to the side and not look at it. It is still there, always, like the “gifts” our dogs leave us in the backyard when they have finished the treats and the table scraps we have given them…and we like to look at those “gifts” and think about what we should do with them and not do anything about them anyway.

The Things We Do

There are a variety of ways that we make our heart break worse on us, and then when we find that what we have done to make ourselves feel better does not work, we want to blame everything and everyone outside of ourselves for our pain, when in fact our pain and what we do with it is ours alone to deal with, and most of the time, we go right back to the start of the circle and we do the EXACT same thing we did the last time we tried to make what we were feeling go away. It does not go away without our at least thinking that we can do something about it that does not include getting other people involved with us. It does not leave us, ever, until we have taken the opportunity to look at it for what it is and try hard to look at it differently.

Looking at It Differently

This takes a little bit of practice to become good at, the looking at of things from a different perspective. It takes our being able to see ourselves from the perspective that no longer places us in the area marked “Victim,” and begins to move us to another place, another place called “Survivor” and from my own experiences, while we never truly ask to be the victim of or to anyone, the only one who makes us a Survivor is our own self.

Sure, we can look to others for guidance, and we can take their words to heart and utilize them, but we have to be strong enough, as well, to see the imperfections that are there, to know that we loaned our own efforts to the heart break and because of this we know that we are also going to have to be a large part of the effort to bring us to that place where Peace resides, and we all know where Peace truly resides, don’t we?

Peace Resides Within

Always and forever, peace resides within. Peace is not only quietude, and peace is not only that which we all seek out, but it is also the major definer of when we have chosen to become all we are supposed to become, because it is at that point when we have given in to and accepted what is ours that we will truly find peace. Peace is not something that can be had through doing nothing, because the “doing nothing” that too many experts and gurus want you to believe is that there is no work …inner emotional work, not physical work….and that is not the truth.

Think about it – it took you a little while to manifest all the “other than peace” that you currently have. It took a long time for you to dwell on a thing that you knew at the onset when it was presented to you that whatever it was that you were looking at became your focus, became the thing that you wanted so badly that it began to invade your every thought. Your every thought begets your every action. Within those thoughts that were other than peaceful, you believed that if you just DID more that you would be able to get other to help you bring you what you already have and that you already know is the truth, and also is that which you keep on avoiding. In your avoidance, you caused yourself more heartache and now there is double the energy, but not double the fun. This is not my rule (wait for it)….but that of the Universe.

We can no sooner believe that whatever it was that we have done in the past will also be the thing that will work now, and when it is that we figure out that all we are doing is running around in a circle chasing our souls in to the frenzied wreck that it becomes is when the reality that we are the ones who caused this mess through our actions caused with, and not by, other people. This is what is meant when Eleanor Roosevelt stated that (and I am paraphrasing from memory, guys) no one can make us feel inferior without our consent.
No one can make us feel or say or do anything without our making it possible for them. In order for us to hurt, we have to be open and willing to receive that hurt as part of us accepting the way that things are no more our control in regards to what others think and feel just as much as it is not their kuleana to feel or do anything about our pain. And that is a moot point, really, because no one else can do anything about how we feel. They may be able to empathize with us, and they Love us and that helps, but in the end, we are the ones who matter in regards to our own healing. We are who matters when it comes to how we feel and what we are willing to do about how we feel.

So, in the end, it really doesn’t matter…in the end, it is not anyone else’s stuff – it is ours.

I have met some very fine and wonderful people who are as equally angry and heartbroken as anyone could be. They are angry because they cannot get a tiny bit of empathy from another person, and they are heartbroken because they are not willing to get out of their own way and allow whatever the lesson at hand is to come into its own fullness. They know they do not have to be this way,and they know that there is always something that can be done to quell themselves.

Yet, they are helpless to really do anything about it, because they are also not willing to step aside and allow Spirit to work through them and reveal to them the things that they need to know and to see and to believe. It is not someone else who is at fault if we still hurt, but our own. It is not someone else who can decide for us which option to take, and even if they did that would tell anyone with any level of awareness that your heartaches reveal more about you than you are willing to let the rest of us know about – and we are finding them out through your words and actions that somehow do not match up. Always, there is a way for others to know when it is that we are being given something other than the Truth because the Truth is always going to reveal itself, no matter what.

In the end, when it is that we can no longer bear the pain and the shame of all that we have let ourselves believe is when the healing comes.It comes at that point when we are a wreck emotionally, a constant flow of private and silent tears come to us, and when we have given the child who still lives within us no way to grow out of the beliefs that no longer apply to our lives.

Take a moment today to look at yourself in the mirror and see what is truly there. Yes, you will see your own messiness, and you will see also the hurt…but you will also see the wounded child who you punish more than you care to Love, and that is really what you need – self love, because it is in that measure of Self Love that we are made whole, that we are made to see what we are for real, and in that one moment, we know the Truth.

The Truth is a Beautiful Thing.
I Promise.

I Love You All !


Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui. She is a blogger, book authorchoreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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