No matter what, that which we need, regardless of what we think, becomes our reality…
“…should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble…but if I go there will be double…” (“Should I stay or should I go ?” by The Clash)
We humans are such good hiders of the truth of us. In these last few weeks the running theme with many people has been which options to choose, and always, because of the way that human nature behaves, there is nothing that has told me that we will not choose that which is familiar to us, even though that which is familiar to us quite possibly might be the very worst thing for us and our lives at the time. I know this. I lived it and to an extent I still tend to live in the energy that was given to me many times over, not only by people close to me, but also by people who I do not even know. That energy is called “indecision.”
“Should I stay…”
Wow! It is a very powerful, even and in some cases, very life-changing question to answer, far bigger than “To be or not to be,” because in one instance you are merely Being, but in the other instance you are being asked to choose, and you all know already how I feel about the vocabulary being used – choosing leaves us with a negative, meaning that the choice we did not make is the negative one, the one that did not rank high enough in our minds. The truth of things not ranking high enough in our minds is not that the option given to us is not the best one because the truth may be opposite of that. It may very well be that the “correct” option scares the hell out of us. For a long time I was scared that I would be alone, but when I thought about being alone versus being lonely I realized that I have no reason to be lonely because I have the greatest Tribe in the world and they negate the perception that I have of what I believed was “loneliness.”
In reality, what I really wanted was validation, and when it comes to validation and me, the only thing that I knew that really needed was to be more sure of myself in the options that I chose and if those options were conducive at all to my own Soul’s growth, and in many ways more than even I can think of, the choices that I have made lately have been the ones that are the best and offer the betterment of my own gifts and also helps in the reality of things for my practice and that which I do for and with my own clients within the confines of that practice.This is where we are not really aware that when we let something or someone go, always, in its or their place, always the Universe responds to that “void” by filling it up, not with what we want but with what we need, and sometimes what we need is a swift kick in the okole to make us see that we are using others or being used, that we are offering ourselves up to the glorification of someone else, and even though technically this is SO not what we are doing, we cannot be sure that this is not the thought and the intention of the other people involved in a mess that we know is not one that we have created all on our own.
When I say “should I stay?” I mean that sometimes, the choice to stay within a certain way of being, within the boundaries of a situation, and choosing to stay there and see if there is a chance that things can change – and mind you, there is ALWAYS the chance that things CAN change, even though the change may not be what we hoped for. What we hope for is the thing that answers the question of “Should I stay…?” and it is at that point where most of the things that we have to look at within that particular situation come screaming through to us and get up in our faces like an old drunk on a mission. Choosing to not see through to the changes and believing that perhaps there is something there that we can siphon from someone else is wrong. Choosing to leave the “Should I Stay?” alone and giving other people the option to really have a chance at making a good choice and not influencing them (especially and even when we are not aware that our actions can and will influence their actions…just sayin’) is what this whole “want in one hand and sh*t in the other” thing is truly all about.
Knowing not only when someone else has had enough, but more, knowing when YOU have had enough is key to the “SHOULD I STAY” part…
“…or should I go now?”
The best way to know the answer to this question, or rather, this part of the question, is to go with whatever it is that you feel immediately. If you know that what you have opted to do is not in line with your own Soul’s purpose, you will be …WILL BE helpless to do anything about it other than react or respond to the energy of it. If you know that what you are doing is somehow or in any way at all not in line with what it is that you know is your life purpose. If you know that the things that you are doing with or for anyone else are somehow not the things that you need to be doing, then you should also know that you have another option when thinking in terms of what it is that you need to do.
I do not tell people what to do – it doesn’t work because a lot of the time what I say to people is not only the truth but in many ways is just my coming up with an option that they might not be able to see. When it is that the options that you are being given are not attractive to you and you keep on feeling yourself stretching to make whatever it is that you know is not the right thing to do plausible in your own mind – well, it is at that point that I know that somehow, within the work that I do with people, somehow what I am teaching them, because it is not the fit that their ego likes, is lost on them. There are people who I work with DAILY who want me to come up with the right answers, and the reality is that these folks already know what the right answers are, but their egos are not done playing havoc with them yet, and so they go forward in the same energy they have always been in, without cause to think that maybe the reason they keep ending up at square one is no one else’s fault but their very own.
And dearly there are many of them who blame others for not getting it in terms of what these people are all about. If you know you are about one thing, and you give the energy that you are the opposite, the energies – NOT JUST THE INTENTIONS – are what will be most apparent. If you are giving the energy that you are in any situation at all and your intentions are not pure and you go against that which your Soul knows is correct, you will always end up in that same energy, no matter what. This is not my rule but that of the universe.
The “should I go now” applies when we know the answer, when we have always known the answer, and it is always that of the ego’s way and the ego’s “knowing” that tells us that we have to collect more of anything, including people, so that we can feel secure. If we need other people to feel secure and we need more of anything to make us feel like somehow we are right and good and comfortable, the only thing I can say to you is that you ain’t thinkin’ right. This is something that we all are supposed to learn, eventually, and I did learn it, and learned it very well that other people do not make me, do not break me, and that I alone am who is the one responsible for the way that I feel. I can say and do whatever it is that I care to, but the truth which underlies it all will never change – it will always be exactly what it is, and there is no one who can make that one thing different.
So basically, if you know you should go, then get to steppin’ already…yeesh!
“In the end, it really doesn’t matter” (Linkin Park)
I often use song lyrics to make my point, but in this particular thing, in the end, no matter what we think, no matter how we think we are manipulating a situation, at least in our own heads, the truth is the truth and while it might seem that we can hide our own truth, it is the universal truths that a lot of the time we are missing the point on.
No matter what we do, if we are more willing to hurt temporarily for the time being so that the rest of the time that we are walking the crust of the earth we have the leverage that our lessons bring to us, then we are practicing right thinking. Right thought, no matter what, never steers us the wrong way. Sometimes it is other people who bring us their own truth, which sometimes is the very truth that we need the most. No one can make us change who we are because who we are IS the truth, but even in that instance we find that there are times in our lives when the truth that used to fit simply no longer does, and at that point we have to be willing to hurt a little bit, to face the very truth which we think applies only to other people. Other people tend to have a different thought about things, and other people are the mirrors to our Selves that cannot lie to us even though their actions and their words do not match.
When our actions and our words match, we find that we have the very world at our disposal, ripe and ready for the picking, so to speak. When our words and our actions do not match, we find out, too, that there are people on this planet with whom we hold some sort of counsel and who matter to us. When they matter to us, the truth might hurt but as long as the truth is brought out in the light that is healing and not one that causes more pain, it is right action, but when the truth is spoken only to get our own ass out of a situation that we cannot find our way out of, it is then that we have to go over the entirety of a situation and seek out the truth that we know is there and is waiting to be discovered.
Not my rules, guys….not my rules…
You all already know Whose Rule it is….and yes, the rules totally apply to us all…no one is different in the eyes of Spirit….get used to it…this is just how it all rolls….
I LOVE YOU ALL !
Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved