Most of the time, we Believe what is not our own Truth
The most of society in America prides itself on our Constitutional rights. We have the right to do as we please here in this country, and one of those things that we carry strongly within us is our Right to Be Who We Are and to make no apologies for it. We also carry with us each the pounding and sometimes arrogant belief that singly we all believe the same things. Yet the sort of belief that I am talking about at this time has nothing to do with what a person’s religious beliefs are and everything to do with what we each believe about ourselves.
Beliefs about ourselves are given to us
*Sigh*…I hate admitting it, but up until recently I was willing to believe that what others said to me and about me were the truth. I mean, in my thinking, how could what they said ( and some still say) not be the truth of me? How could it be wrong that they see me upset and tell me that I am gonna “go off,” and how could it be wrong that I am way too sensitive to handle some information and how can they be wrong when they are watching me be the way that they say I am?
Trust me. They were wrong. While it is that for the majority of my life I have been quietly labeled as being “The Black Sheep,” and while I know now what I think I have always known – that I am NOT “The Black Sheep” but rather and have always been more akin to the Canis Femina – the Lone Wolf – it still did not, for a lot of years, take away the sting brought to me by the opinions of others. It took me a long time to not wear that coat of inky blankness and trade it for the awesomeness that comes with the knowledge that you are quite unique, that you are unlike anyone else, that what you have is something that no one else does (and shouldn’t)…it took me a lot of years to come to the conclusion that while these people with whom I share DNA and memories with are allowed to have that opinion of me, I do not have to have it, do not have to keep it, wear it, be it because I am not whatever it is that for many years I was assumed as being.
What we choose to believe about ourselves is ours alone, and we would be remiss to not take a closer look at the things that hurt us and question if whether or not we care about what anyone else thinks of us (unless of course you have gone plum nutty and decided that they are correct about you). For a long, long time, I cared about what those who I share genes with thought of me, to the point of tears, the point where I would be crippled with the idea that I had to be what someone else’s version of “perfect” was, and when the time came – recently, even – and I was presented with these same issues brought by the same people who had presented them to me to begin with, I stopped myself from becoming angry, from weakening me to the point where I would be in tears because to me, the idea that I had done what I thought I should have was not enough no longer was good enough for me. I decided to let loose on those people with a Christic energy that screamed to them that they hurt me, that they were part of the reason that I was such a wreck and that what they said about me that I heard as a young child stuck with me and helped shape me to become who I am now.
While who I am now is no where near that blubbering wash of tears and heartache and hurt pride, their words and their opinion of me did not stop hurting me until I was able to form a new thought, not about what they said about me, but what I thought about me.
What we think about who we are totally matters
Women in particular have been raised to believe that we are dependent upon any man’s opinion of us. If I went by the opinion of “any man” I would be right where I do not want to be, which is as some object, as a nonhuman, as a thing, if you will.
Humans need to stop trying so hard to tell other people who they are, and singularly we need to create who we are and not live in the things and ways of being that other people tell us we are. For a very long time I believed that I was not as lovable as I knew I was, and that hurt. That thinking stretched out into my life and dictated all that I did for a very long time. It was not until I was given a new thought to think about myself that I was inclined to stretch, inclined to see if what I thought of me was more truth than what the old thoughts placed by others were. When I thought about it from my own point of view, I found out that I am every bit as smart, brilliant, beautiful, funny, strong, morally upstanding…all the good things we each strive for…and more. When I chose to accept that my own DNA sharers had a different belief and that I would not be the one who would be able to change that about me with them, it made all the difference in the world.
It made me know that I was lovable, and my Soul Tribe proves it to me, and I don’t even have to try to get them to accept me – they Love Me as this Me. It made me accept that I am good at the things that are uniquely mine. It made me see the truth of me as my Soul Tribe sees it, and no matter what anyone else thinks, I LOVE me. I do. I love who I am. I believe that whatever it is that I have to go through right now is temporary and that it is not God telling me that I am somehow not acceptable to anyone.
Just because someone else tells you and keeps telling you that you are not good enough for them, it does not mean that you cannot or should not be good enough for YOU!! YOU are the most important piece of the puzzle of your life, and how you feel is yours alone – not theirs. There is no permission that you need to be you, and if you try too hard to continue to fit yourself into an old thought about you then you will continue, too, to be unhappy, to feel like you somehow just do not fit in, and the truth will be that you do NOT fit in, because you will be trying NOT to fit in with your Self.
No one else but You HAS TO live with you, and as long as you continue to believe what other people are saying about you that is not healthy and will not cause you to at least question their ideal of you, you will not only continue to live with this you, but you will also be inviting those people to live with you in your head, too. They will continue to be the very thing that guides your every thought, and they will be all that they have been, all this time, and you will keep on hurting, and it will not be because of the wrongness of thought they have of you, but the very idea that you keep believing it.
Today decide to give yourself the gift of Belief in who you are. You are not wrong for being You – no one is.
In fact, you never were wrong about you…but they all were, and now you need badly to open that present for you that is from you, and that is the gift of believing something else about you.
This is not to say that you cannot believe the good things that these people say…I will admit to the fact that ALL of them have told me what an amazing writer I am, how creative and uniquely gifted I am…and I thank them for finally seeing it, or at least part of it…it is to say, however, that no one has to do like I did and be a good little girl and accept that these people feel the way that they did and some still do. It is also to say that when such an issue comes up over and over again that it is time at that point to take a really long look at the reason why anyone would say the things that they keep on saying. It doesn’t make it the truth, but it makes it something that may be worth looking at.
I mean, come on…not one of us is perfect, but all of us can aspire to excellence, right? (Riiiight)…and how can any one of us aspire to anything that is new to us if we are not willing to take that look at who we are, fix what we believe to be the wrongs that others see, mess with it a little bit, and create it into something that is the same thing, but better?
I took my own pain, my own heartache, and turned it into something that will never, ever change..
I turned it all, with the help of certain others close to me, into Aloha, because Aloha…Love…is the greatest, purest, most potent medicine known to mankind. If we choose to treat our Soul’s ailments with Love, choose not to judge it but more to just ponder it and see where it is that fear reigns, we will see to it, too,that we have been living in a truth that is not ours.
Live Your Truth. Be Who You Are. Be, In Love. And most of all, Be at Peace with it all…
I Love You All !!
Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Adviser. If you would like information about “ROCK your NUPTIALS” Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2012 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved