Choice is scary. Choosing means that we have to sit down for a minute and think about things. And when I say choosing I do not mean choosing what you want for dinner or choosing what to wear to a fabulous party. I mean real choices – who to hang with, what job offer to take, which person to have as a companion. If we bother ourselves to think about the things that we have seen in our lifetime we will see that all choices led us all each right here, to right now, and that in this one perfectly imperfect moment we find that it was choice that brought it all together for us. Good or Other Than Good, what we need to know and accept and live with is that indeed, the choices we have each made in our lives have been enough for us to find ourselves possibly in tears, probably on more occasions than not, angry at ourselves for choosing from a place of fear rather than a place of change.
To Choose, in some cases, means to Change
It is a simple idea, really, that we have brought all the things and people and ways of being into our knowingness via choices. Many of us who have been through the hell of being the target of anyone else knows well the idea that choosing wrong can be dangerous, in some cases even deadly, and we choose still to pick our lives as though what we need to do is choose something that might not fit our Selves and neither the desires of our Lives, and no one ever Desires to be hurt, to be lied to, to be someone else’s poster child for the things that they deem as theirs for the choosing to do to you.
I am sure that no one reading this chose to be battered, to be chastised or to be treated as though they had no clue in their brain, no original thought to call their own, nothing that their abuser told them was right and true and our own. No abuser wants the survivor of their abusive ways to know that they have a choice, wants them to understand that they have rights, and not one of us, because of fear, chose something that was according to our own needs and our own wants – we chose on behalf of someone else and all in the name of no longer getting the treatment that we were given on so many occasions.
Choice empowers us, makes us stronger in the idea that we can guide our own lives, walk our own Path, and choice makes a survivor a human being, not just to everyone else in their awareness, but more importantly, to themselves. I know this is the truth, because I lived it, and I know, too, that you do not have to. It really is a matter of what it is that we are willing to believe, and I refuse to believe that I was never worth the effort to make me laugh, make me cry tears of joy, make me swoon…. I Know better. I have always known better.
Fear was my problem, and in some ways it still is, because I was told a lot in my time on this planet, and it was not until recently that I pulled my own head out from beneath the blanket of fear, long enough to see that I was lied to and that for long enough I had endured more than anyone’s fair share of abuse.
And by the way…in case you were wondering?
Yeah, there is no such thing as a “fair share of abuse,” because abuse is not about fair and never was. It is about control, about the idea that someone in this world not loving themselves and so they pin all the hopes that we will accept them as they are without the same being in reverse.
We must become empowered through the shedding of our fears. I know this monster called fear. It is an ugly monster. It tells us that we are not good enough, and it makes us question why it is that anyone would want to have anything to do with us, and it makes us cry and makes good people turn into hermits just so that they do not have to deal with the constant daily garbage that abused people know better than many else do.
We become empowered by our fear because our fear pushes us to see what we can deal with, what we can handle, what it is that we are made of, and by my count, it is the victim who, on their own, chooses to become the survivor that we all, hopefully, intend on being.
It was not the fear of what I knew he would do to me, but more, the fear of what I did not know, and what I did not know was that my fear was his all along.
Imagine the look on his face when I gave him that fear right back…it wasn’t pretty, he wasn’t happy.
I didn’t give a shit. I had to take it like a man so I chose to teach him what it was like to take it like a man, and he bristled…
The shit we like to cram down other peoples’ throats as the truth is the same shit that we, ourselves, will never offer to eat,even though those who tried to kill our sense of empowerment thought that we would just keep on taking it and taking it.
He found out quickly that it smelled like shit, tasted like shit, looked like shit, and in fact was shit.
What, might you ask? Oh…haha…
His sense of power, that’s what. The moment I told him it was over, there came an entirely new meaning with the words “Shit on a shingle.” Haha!!! Toast, anyone?
Choosing is empowerment.
Everyday, I choose to choose wisely the things that I use to rebuild my life. Rather than choose on behalf of others, I choose on my own behalf. Not only am I better off for it, but too, the people who I love the very most are also better off because of it.
When we choose, we should do so with only the highest good for ourselves in mind, because it is on the whims of the Soul that we find our greatest, most compelling truths come shining through for us!! Truth is a beacon which illuminates the pain so that we can find the anti-venom for the bites and stings of the reptile called “conformity.”
I don’t know about you guys, but since I found my voice, made my choice, there ain’t a slithering slimy reptile around who has the fortitude to take on the Jaguar High Priestess’ Soul, the Ix Spirit which lives within me…
Snakes don’t know that Jaguars eat them like so many kids eat pixie-stix
Choose wisely, and do so with the thought in your head that choosing wisely and for your Self ultimately equals a choice made on behalf of those with whom we are the very closest.
Never forget that.
Also never forget that
I LOVE YOU ALL !!