Abuse survivors know pain, and we know it very well, better than we think we do. Humans are phenomenal at hanging onto our intangibles, and one of those intangibles we like to hang onto is our pain. We earned it. It belongs to us. We “own” it.
Owning our pain is not the same as facing the fear that caused it. Yet we are not very well versed in letting it go, and not everyone will respond to the therapies that are meant for people who have been abused. In fact, sometimes there are things in therapy that don’t really settle within us because the frank truth is that the things that are created for us we cannot relate to. Textbook knowledge can never replace experience as a learning tool. Abuse survivors know a whole lot about learning because we are taught to fear and then one day we choose to not be scared anymore, knowing fully that as much as we are used to being in that place of fear, and as much as we are afraid to try something new for fear of failing and having to deal with yet one more disappointment that was really never ours to begin with but belongs fully to us now.
We need to let go of the pain. The pain was meant only to show us that we are human, that someone else has caused us to hurt and that God is trying to tell us to take action, to head toward the Light within us because the Light is never gone, only hidden. Once it is that we can muddle our way through the dark night of the soul, we can begin to believe that what we have gone through is over with and that now all there is is the healing. The pain tells us that our soul has been fractured and that fractured state of mind is where we find the very strength needed to begin the process of remembering, and more importantly, eliminating. We hang onto pain for so long that it becomes second nature for us to react instead of respond. When we can simply respond to the pain and have an outlet for it is when we can also see that since we sought out a better way to feel that we are well on our way and that the Sun is just on the outside of the cave we hid in for so long.
We Are All Creators of a Divine Sort
People who have been harmed in some way usually feel as though there is no way out of the pain they are having. This is wrong. There is always a way out.
Human beings are creative. By this I mean that in each of us there is a creative nature, a nature which has always been there to remind us of the beauty that is the reality of who we truly are. We create our own truths through the ferreting out of the lies we have been told, and to ferret out anything we must remain as creative as we can be, and I know that for real, the most creative sort of people are the sort who have been kept so long in the dark about things and about the truth, and most abuse survivors begin very early on having a constant conversation with ourselves, telling ourselves that if things were different we could do this, that and the other, and as time wears on we start creating scenarios about what we can do to at least release some of the pain.
Had I known back then what I know now – that no matter what he has said or done to me, I am ultimately the creator of my own reality, and knowing this I also know that from within is where the beauty which was borne of pain rises to the top like cream. It is at this point where every survivor of domestic abuse comes into their own and we begin to create for ourselves a beauty that belongs only to ourselves but also a beauty that we are more than willing to share with the world and to show to other people, and we want to show others, not because we are very impressed with what it is that we have created, but so that we can know that the opinion that our abuser has of us is NOT the only opinion that counts, and in most cases is more a judgment on their part toward us, and the loveliest part of this is that we all have opinions about much in life and that an opinion is only one person’s truth from their perspective.
Their opinion is not now and nor has it ever been your truth, and it never will be.
From the ashes of the fiery pain is borne the beauty which is ours alone to create with
I am a lifelong hula dancer. My best friend when I was a kid was not an actual friend (even though I loved her then and love her still now) but an activity. Hula has been the thing that has, time and again, salvaged the wreckage that I have been. Through its beauty, through my ancestral ties to it, I have found much solace, and in the time that has passed – 23 years worth – I have managed to see to it and to myself that this beauty remain untouched, primitive even in its gloriously gorgeous state. To manage my internal pain I danced…sometimes alone, other times with my hula sisters, but always, always, always I danced.
It is never until you are forced to look within to find what it is that has always made you feel good about who you are that you realize that up to this very moment in time you were brought to this place so that you could better understand whatever it was that you learned, through pain, through travesties, through it all, and you raised from the ashes of your life that thing that saved you over and over again. For some folks it is playing music, while for others it is creating beautiful art to share with the world, and yet still others sing, or draw, or paint, or sculpt…or dance. There is no greater love that a person has than to be able to create something out of their pain and to share that transformed pain as a thing that makes a person’s soul cry out for the normalcy that once was, the normalcy that we all knew at one time or another.
Creating beauty in our life is the thing that tells us that we have so much to give, that the idea that one person can have all of who we are without thinking that maybe we might need to have some of who we are for our very selves, that we are somehow not beautiful, not smart, not whatever …to create a thing of beauty is to acknowledge that our true self still is there, still is within us and that all we have to do is allow that part of us to be seen through our artwork, through our dance, through our song, through our life and living.
We are not ugly, human beings, but we can turn that way. Creating things for ourselves is also creating for others so that they may interpret our pain as a means for their healing. Creation of beauty in our lives where most of it has been shunned and stripped of us is the thing that will save us, and more, it is the thing that has never ever left us. Creativity in turmoil allows us to see what someone else gave us and it is up to us to decide if we want it to remain the eye sore that it is or if we would like to turn it into something that no one ever thought it would be…
I Love You All !!