Today I was linked with an article on the web about a lawmaker in Wisconsin stating that he believes women should stay married, no matter what, even if there is abuse going on. I did not want this blog to be rife with negativity, so instead of going on and on about what a creep I think this guy is, I will instead encourage anyone who reads this blog posting as well as that article to not only get angry, but to get over that anger and then, get on out there, out in the streets, in the malls, wherever the hell you care to be, and be proactive.
If we all banded together in a proactive manner, thought about why this bothers us so much, thought about the point that we would like to get across, and then spoke after thinking about what it is that we really want to say, if there were more than only my voice, even though a lot of us do not live there, it would make an impact. I know this is true because that is something that all people who work in Public Relations knows – we know our public, and we know the pulse of what is good, what is not good, what is going to be right in the eyes of the people, and I know that there are not a whole lot of people who would be ok with this.
At first I was very angry after having read it, but then when I thought about it I also thought about how many more people there are on the planet who are sickened by the idea that anyone – man or woman – who chooses to use force of any kind at all to manipulate people to do what they want them to do is somehow alright in the head. Abusers are never alright in the head. Abusers like to use their “strength” to bully their targets and abusers like to tell their targets all those pretty words and when the target chooses to no longer be a target the abusers go right back into their train of thought that they need absolute control, that they need absolute power over other people. This is something that I know personally, and this moron in Wisconsin wants to make the rest of the country think that this is a good idea!
Folks, I have learned after having been emotionally battered for many years that we actually have a leg up on the abusers, that we are stronger than they are and yes, it is because of what they have done or are still doing, what they have said or are still saying, and no one can tell me that the reason that any victim stays is for any other reason than that they are scared as hell of their abusers making good on their threats. I had this very conversation with the person who victimized me for many years until I recently stood up to him, got in his face and brought my Goliath down. It took me 20-plus years to finally do what I should have done but was too scared to do any sooner.
And just like all of us eventually stand up to those who have taken it upon themselves to make us into their pariah, so, too must we also be willing to stand up as one voice, together in unison against this idiocy. It makes me sick to know that this man, all for the sake of HIS own beliefs, will try to manipulate the rest of the thinking populace to manipulate abuse survivors so as to keep us with people who are bad to us, and this creep makes his case by using THE CHILDREN!!
Let me tell you something about the children who are in the middle of this crap. My kids have seen a whole lot, and of late I have made it my point and my only mission that when I start hearing those lovely names that abusers like to call their victims, I shuffle my brood outside, sometimes to the neighbor’s house, so that I can calmly discuss with my soon-to-be-former-spouse whatever it was that upset him so, and normally it is really not a huge deal. Making a case by stating that it is better for children to live in a house with a man – even an abusive man, physically or otherwise or both – is somehow better than that of one loving woman who will do all she has to in order to bring up good citizens. If you want to know more, click here.
Right now, though, we ALL need BADLY to send this guy our brand of Love, because something tells me that in his life there is a woman who is agreeing with him but only because the severity of what might happen if she disagrees.
I could be wrong, but what man in his right mind would even bother with this sort of thinking if he were not also somehow an abuser himself???