Biblically, it is said in the book of Matthew that “the meek shall inherit the earth.” Depending upon how you interpret biblical meaning is what will make this a meaningful post to you, namely if, like I was feeling this time last year, you feel like you have nothing left to give. The best thing that someone who is learning to heal on their own can grasp and wrap their head around is not some weird fad diet, not cosmetic surgery, nothing tangible, but instead, is the very simple and inborn gift that we each have to give.
Because I was raised up in the church (in other words, was force fed the hellfire and brimstone yet Unconditional Love of God … and found out later on in life that sometimes, being force fed something as great as Unconditional Love is what is best for us because it matters in regards to our larger Life Purpose) and because I am a Hawaiian person, my Life was meant as a testament to the healing properties of giving Love. However, for someone who has never willingly accepted being a statistic for data compiled for reasons of collecting information about spousal abuse, it is hard to give.
Hard to Give
Once it is that a person has been subjected to the whims and the madness of another, another who promised never to do the horrid things that no person should ever have to go through, you begin to learn very fast that what you have you have to keep, no matter what it is. You begin to think this way because the simple fact is that an abuser will do what they have to and basically whatever it is that they want to in order to keep their victim too afraid to be their true selves. In my case it was that my husband wanted a trophy wife, and he wanted a wife for other people to look at but not a wife that would be allowed to have her own thoughts and her own life and her own Self. Though he swears that he never took anything away from me (because what he took was intangible), the proof that he did is that here I am 20 years later, and I am about to re-embark on a journey into connecting with the world at large and have started my ascent back into the world of entertainment, of being with like minded musicians and artists, both well known and on their way to being well known, (or perhaps only worried about the music itself, as long as someone hears it and likes it) who are on a mission to rebuild the world, one person at a time, beginning with their very selves.
Sound familiar? It should.
Our Very Selves
All abuse survivors know that what they have been through is not and was not ever their own fault. It is not the fault of an abuse survivor to take responsibility for their bruises or their fractures, not their responsibility to have to deal alone with their own disbelief, their own heartache, the mess that has been made of their lives. We know without doubt that we are meant for a bigger purpose, that we are here to suffer, at least we know this to an extent if we are lucky enough to have people in our lives who know us well, so that we can go out into the world and help to heal it. This is not to say that we accept our lot in life, because no one with a brain in their head would ever agree to being treated like property, but rather is to say that each of us has a compelling story to tell and that our story was never meant to be a secret. What we go through is shameful, but of that shamefulness is borne the strength, and more, the willingness to go on in Life and to be a part of change and charity.
We are forced for long periods of time to be a very tiny, very closed off piece of the puzzle of Life that once it is that we release ourselves back into the fray we have no idea what we want to do in the grander scheme of things, even though we are aware that what we have gone through is a testament to survival, to the undying human spirit, to being whole again. We end up getting back into the world, not really aware that there are still people out there who want to hurt us, and we end up ending up with those people.
Then one day we get a clue and we figure out all on our own that being a person who will go out into the world and hurt others because we have been hurt is not the way to go. We go through the rebound thing, sometimes not with other people but with things. In my case, and because my old man always made sure to it that I knew that the reason that I ended up with anything “label” is because he bought it for me, I was the one who spared no expense on “pretty things.” There was no brand new Victoria’s Secret bra that I did not own, and there was not a pair of shades expensive enough that I did not want. I was a glutton for pretty things, a glutton for glory, if you will. Once all my things were gone, and about a year after I began seeking my own Spirit and its Cause, I realized the reason that John came into my life. He was brought to me to show me that though I loved the pretty things in life, I Loved more the things of an intangible nature. He showed me what and who I am not, and more, led me to the rediscovering of Who I have always Been.
I say a lot about our intangibles, and it is because our intangibles are permanent for us. Our intangibles are those things in our lives, those ways of being, which compel us to be there for one another, no matter how big or small a scale it is. To a certain and limited extent, it is actually a good thing that he came into my life and stayed, even though the way that I was brought back to me should never happen to anyone, it came the way it was supposed to and came with my having realized now that the pretty things in Life were always mine and that no one had to give anything to me as I’d already had what I needed, which in turn, to this point after realization, has brought me some very, very pretty things (thanks, April, for the very pretty shoes, girl!! I hope you like your gift as much!!).
Everything is with purpose, even the things that seem to make no sense to us, especially our suffering and learning through that suffering.
Some folks are more prone to throw money at a thing, but there are others on the planet who LOVE to DO for cause. I am one of those people who very much like to raise money for causes, whose lives and day jobs are dependent on the giving nature of human beings and for the need we have to be of good service to one another. For more than twenty years I have fought the undying fire within me to do something big and grand and do it for the Love of being with other people. My husband told me, even though I never believed him, that people are horrible, that they will try to take what you have and then some, and that people in general cannot be trusted. And if there is anything that any abuse survivor knows well it is that sickening feeling of not being able to trust others. The ability to not trust others, by the way, is a natural reaction. It is the fight and the flight within us all. The difference between the human animal and the rest of mammalia is that we humans are able to reason.
With that ability to reason and to discern what others are up to we have also been blessed with an ability, namely when you have been forced into a situation which calls for our natural ability to sense a bad thing, to see in others that which can be called “good.”
When we find that “good,” we want to look at it and admire it and call it ours. What we are not realizing at that point, the point when we want to call it ours, is that it IS ours and it is also our right to claim it. We find at that point that it was never what we were given up to that point of realization, but instead has always and only been what it is that we have given to another, given to a situation, given, really, to ourselves. No one asks to get beaten up physically, but it happens to the best of us, and one way or another, we learn from what it is that we have been given. Some of us never learn, but most of the time, we figure it out, and once we do, we never unlearn.
One thing that we all eventually learn is that it is never what you have got, it is only ever what you give.
Find a cause to give your Love to. Find a reason to be happy, to be on fire, to have the will to never look back at what has happened and only look forward to what you can imagine.
Love is My Cause
Love is my Cause. I support a lot of causes, from AIDS and illness to, of course, making sure the world knows that violence among spouses is never a good thing, to the bringing out in the Goddesses in training the beauty which cannot be purchased at the make up counter, and yes, of course, to those whose lives are lived in the throes of danger so that our right to express ourselves stays intact.
When the beginning of 2009 came, and I sat with my head in my hands, in tears because my house and my pretty life were gone, with as much of a quickness that the tears came, so, too, did the thought in my head come to me that I needed to travel a Spiritual Path to wholeness, that I needed to find that piece of myself, all over again, that begged for the opportunity to give and to be who I am through the use of my gifts and the use of my communication skills and my penchant, simply, for desiring to make my own Prayer of Jabez kick some serious ass…and you know what?
It worked, like a charm, the idea that since it is that like all Pisceans, I, too, wanted to swim in the big ocean of Life instead of staying like the rest of the guppies and settling for a nice home life with a set schedule and the same old, same old, everyday of my life. I wanted to be a part of the changes happening, and I wanted to bring people together again, like I did when my hair and my attitude were both bigger than my heart even though my heart knew back then what it wanted me to do. Even then I knew I was meant to exact some sort of change in the way that people do things and who they do those things for, but until New Year’s Eve 2011, I had no real idea of what it was that I was supposed to do. I just knew that it was big and that no matter what seemed to stand in my way, there was and will always be a way and that maybe that block in the road is meant to be there so that I can find another way to do things.
And yup, that is exactly what all the blocks in the Path were twenty years ago. Twenty years ago I was the rocker’s fantasy chick…all hair, legs, and attitude (and of course it helped that I am one of those island chicks…something about an island chick and a rocker guy that just…well, you know…lol) but these days, I am the rocker and rocker in training’s best friend in so far as causing a stir, putting asses in seats, making sure that the reason that any of us are here and breathing is to be of service to the rest of the species.
SO, with that said, it is time to get on out there and scream your own name, and to do it for your favorite Cause.
What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Yeesh! Get your asses out there and change the world already!!
I Love You All !!
(Rev. Roxanne Cottell is a Freelance Writer, Speaker and Spiritual Counselor residing in Southern California. If you want to exact change and cause a Stir, you can contact Roxanne by clicking here. Her latest book, “Goddesses, Priestesses and Queens” can be purchased at lulu.com and amazon.com)